Evermore

 Me 

Sitting up in my bed 

In the middle of the night 

Watching you 

Texting him 

Shadows on my wall

From refrigerator light 

That was the moment I knew 

The moment that blew 

Me out of the water with you 

You became a liar 

A cheater 

A thief in the night 

Pretending to love me 

Sneaking away by daylight 

So many years later 

And I’ve reconciled my feelings 

Forgiven you 

Moved on 

But like a candle in the dark 

My love sometimes flickers on 

Cast back to then 

Trying to figure it out 

Guess my heart was meant to be shattered 

So I could glue myself back together 

Instead of seeking love 

I became it 

What you did to me then was a favor that time would reveal 

Your tired, lifeless eyes stare at me over tapas 

I know you weren’t meant to be mine forever 

I deserved so much more 

And I got it 

Once you walked out of my door 

So the love I have for you 

I imagine it’s gratitude 

For giving me back to me 

Setting me on a path 

That would teach me to love myself above all 

And I hope you find that on your own 

Hope you grow and love and find peace 

It’s not at the bottom of a Moscow mule 

No stranger in your bed will take you there 

It’s a heaven you have to arrive at 

Once you crawl your way through hell 

The kiss that you planted 

Fell on lips that no longer care 

What you think of me 

Was never my business 

So I’ll be the happy phantom 

Haunting your midnights

Nudging you to love yourself 

Like I did back then

To forgive your indiscretions 

For exactly what they were 

Insecure people always let go 

Of the ones they want the most 

In fear that you’re never enough 

That’s exactly what you become 

Watching as you watch me 

Walking out of your door 

Knowing this time I’m gone 

For evermore 

Got my answers 

Tucked them in my pocket and fled 

The scene of the would be crime 

You hoped for a reunion 

Instead you got a funeral 

I snuffed the flame of your desire 

Time traveled back to now 

Rubbed the glue that still binds me together 

For you, never again coming unglued 

Notes: this was written about a past love that I had dinner with a couple of summers ago. It’s a bit of perspective from my mature self to my younger self. Self love. Don’t seek, become.