Whole; A Horse Running Free

Tryin’ to force me into a corner 

I won’t go 

Tryin’ change what I have to say 

Cuz you don’t know 

What I’ve been through 

What I have seen 

Got my own story to tell 

And you can spit it or swallow it 

You know damn well 

Started in hell 

A parent-less child 

Broken smile 

Made my way through the maze 

Balanced between hurt and anger 

But with a strong desire to blaze on 

Got my craze on 

Small town opinions tried to hold me down 

Learned to ignore them 

(Bunch of background noise) 

Sang my own choir 

Wrote my own opera 

Moved to a beat that brought me up then down

Thought love was something outside of me 

Equated worth with sexual attraction 

Drained my energy on men that weren’t worth the sacrifice 

Still pushing forward 

Yearning and aching for understanding 

Found it in brief reprieves 

Let it fall on me like rain 

But it never lasted 

Like a desert I was barren 

The drumbeat my heartbeat 

My search went on 

Found it in prayer 

Bent my knee to ask forgiveness 

For sins I didn’t feel guilty of 

An empath 

Soaking up the energy around me 

Drained 

Exhausted 

My feet still moving forward 

Stumbled unknowingly into silence 

Then I heard the voices 

My voice 

The voice of God 

The voices from the past 

Begging me to release them 

I sat with my anger long enough to learn 

That its real name was hurt 

Swam through that revelation 

Sun shining on my face 

Feeling that surge growing 

Knowing 

That what I found was my truth

My center of gravity 

No longer shooketh 

The pride of generations run with me 

They run through me 

And I’m still like a wild horse  

Only now I run free 

When you try to trap me with your sugar 

I’m smarter now 

Can toss my mane to the wind 

Free to roam with my thundering footsteps 

Drowning out what you think of me 

Always has more to do with you 

Free of that social disease 

To please 

Don’t try to change my narrative 

I’ll grow louder 

Know that if you try to wrangle me in 

To make me more palatable 

I’ll turn away in disgust 

Mistrust 

Anyone who won’t let me be me 

All I can be 

This is how I’m made 

Smarter and unconcerned 

Unconventional seeking unconditional 

And if it never finds me 

At least I’ll run free 

I became the parent I needed 

The friend that I sought 

Not caught 

In the cycle of loving and losing 

Put my face to the sun 

Fought so hard to get where I am 

Whole