Words of Acadiana

the best part is knowing when i'm looking perfect with a great outfit and great makeup and feeling on top of the world invincible in my beauty and personality and who i am the worst part is knowing that underneath the clothes is not what everyone sees with clothes the worst part is every night when i strip down before my shower and looking in the mirror and wondering "where did I go?" where is the me i just saw just a few minutes ago the real me without my makeup and clothes my reflection is a lie the person in the mirror has my face but not my body and the worst part is bathing that body that in the back of my mind i know is me but the feeling that i'm washing someone else makes me wanna cry the best part is in the morning when i hop out of the shower and wrap that towel around my head and my body and chest and look in the mirror and think to myself "hey, there you are" and smile really big putting on my stockings and dress or skirt o

When i was a kid i was scared of myself so i locked me away in a bottle and placed me on a shelf scared of what family would think opinions of my parents scared of not knowing why i always felt different i learned to act and how to behave i learned to be strong and hidden away i got beat i got bullied i'll never forget his name and i remember how 8 years ago i saw him and he lowered his head in shame he apologized for picking on me and offered to buy me a drink he said i had changed and grew taller and stronger i laughed and bashed him in the cheek i said "pick on me now. i'm not little anymore." he got up and wiped his face and ran out the door i remember acting like a man pretending to be what i thought others wanted my good looks although i was very shy trying not to flaunt it i remember my first love and great i thought she was when some people picked on her outside a movie theater i put a knife to their throat because i wouldn't let

baby you're my heaven and you can't find something that  you already have and i already have you to hold it's a fine dance between wanting and needing you and i've protected my heart for long but there it sits for you in the open vulnerable when you're with me i touch the sky dance in the stars it's in your eyes it's all about your smile you weaken me you strengthen me so i want to take it easy to have and not to hold i want to be free in love free to love my hustler nature want to get it while it's good so i'm dropping everything both of us branded with stars like star crossed lovers intertwined divine i'm perfectly wild throwing in the towel so come and get me and take me home i think it's where i want to belong

our love was like entering death for me unknown scary like Psyche and Cupid's our story unfolded twists and turns metamorphic i'll never be the same we both played the role of Psyche beautiful but flawed not possessing of love we both tried to be Cupid armed with poison arrows looking for a vulnerable moment to prey on i got caught up in the enjoyment of the pedestal you put me on and your arrow tore through my heart struck down by poison it ripped through my flesh it pinned me down it consumed me hypnotic erotic Zephyr carrying me to a new destination unaware that your dark powers originated in revenge cursed by the gods you came to me in the dark i could not see your face but i liked the way it felt i sought to reveal your true identity and you ran from me leaving Worry and Sadness to whip me presented with challenges during my journey to win you back my intention was self harm but the divine let me back to you and i overcame the obstacles i

Love Spent that's how you left me blindsided alone on the floor emptied of emotion barren of feeling and if you'd held me as tightly as you grasped at my money we might've made it but you pretended and i paid and i paid in more ways than i realized at the time Love Spent broken bent twisted angry confused and i will sweep up my pieces rebuild continue on my journey i invested so much in us that i lost me you gained i lost you tried in vain to capture my light a vampire of my energy i'm Love Spent don't trust in it anymore and the only love i seek these days will be the love i have of myself it's a Leo's greatest strength afterall so leave go take what you've gained i can smile knowing that it's not yours to hold really and you'll lose it someday

In between tossed shoes Scattered bottles of nail polish Dirty dishes And various clothing items I walk Smudging the house With white sage While they are away Consulting elders and ancient traditions Digging inside my skin for courage I paint The walls in comic book fashion To provide space For their graffiti I burn Incense in the entryway To ward off bad spirits That may follow them Upon their return In between crayons and candy wrappers Pet toys and hair ties Pillows and blankets I cleanse The house of bad memories The air of ill will The past of ghosts In the spaces in between wake and dream I wait For them to come home

you swept into my life under the guise of night and like an evil wind you rearranged what was familiar to me you're a thief and it's my heart that was stolen like a black widow spider you trapped me in your gorgeous web after a carefully choreographed dance of seduction one sip of your poison and i was on your toxic ride you fed me your thunderous words first they charmed lifted me from the ground floated over the sea of love i thought i was King but then you manipulated me humiliated me you wrote me beautiful letters thinking you were so much better than me but your words were false and your promises empty and hate rained on my heart threatening to wash away all that was good but you were like a storm dark clouds bursting in a perfect sky and every storm runs out of rain eventually so i stood on the mountain of my faith and waited for the sun and as it bathed me in its glorious light my soul took flight and you'll never seize my might the sea o

You once laid across my blankets of my bed wrestling your demons fighting your way out of the darkness and i fed you and bathed you i looked after you tried to make you feel safe tried to be your shelter in a storm of your own creation watching as you tried to un-do what you'd done to yourself sweating out the poison  reacting to the toxicity of your own addiction i never understood going to a dark place as i was always a child of the Light so i lay next to you and assured you that it would pass that this struggle would be a temporary process i wanted you to be ok i didn't want to shun you like your family had done so that night we counted the stars waiting for the darkness to exit your body but like a vine it grew and smothered your mind and you pushed me away now i lay here and wonder how you're doing see, i still care and i count the stars on my own not to usher out the darkness but to bask in their light and i say a prayer into the night wind

I believe in love but does love believe in me? i tied myself with wire tied myself with rope just to show you baby that i've got a sliver of hope and in my moment of surrender i felt i could go no higher suspended from gravity walking on the wire love dangling in front of me teasing me releasing me playing with the fire hoping it won't consume me i believe in you in the realm of uncertainty at the moment of surrender i fell to my knees i offer my heart to you but withhold my soul i trust in you i trust myself but this game that becomes love is a power struggle a division of wills and i'm not sure i can be weak enough to give myself fully i was speeding on the subway through the stations of the cross counting down the moments until the pain would stop wondering how Jesus made it through blindly loving us full of trust and i have faith again when i see your face again and i hear prayers within when you say my name heaven sent angelic and