The Girl In The Bottle (by Madisyn Barbosa from Lafayette,LA)
When i was a kid i was scared of myself
so i locked me away in a bottle
and placed me on a shelf
scared of what family would think
opinions of my parents
scared of not knowing why i always felt different
i learned to act and how to behave
i learned to be strong and hidden away
i got beat
i got bullied
i'll never forget his name
and i remember how 8 years ago i saw him
and he lowered his head in shame
he apologized for picking on me
and offered to buy me a drink
he said i had changed and grew taller and stronger
i laughed and bashed him in the cheek
i said "pick on me now. i'm not little anymore."
he got up and wiped his face and ran out the door
i remember acting like a man
pretending to be what i thought others wanted
my good looks although i was very shy
trying not to flaunt it
i remember my first love
and great i thought she was
when some people picked on her outside a movie theater
i put a knife to their throat because i wouldn't let them beat me or beat her
i got tired of being picked on
i had to be strong for others
but little did i know
i was being cheated on
her with another
i remember my best friend
she was a true real sweetheart
and how much i wished that i had never met the first from the start
but without the first
i could have never met her
and how much fun we had
rubbing noses
and how even when we touched
we kept a secret and no one knows this
we couldn't be together because she was with child from another
even in my bed we both knew it wouldn't work
as we just jumped out the window and ran from my mother
so i skipped through life
not really knowing what a heart felt like
and slowly high school friends slipped away
and then i let my anger of broken heart get to me
i became more dangerous each passing day
i saw a girl i really liked and walked up to her and carved my name
with my fingernail in her arm
she looked at me like i was insane
and she just said "damn you got some charm"
those two and half years were the craziest in my life
i was her mate as she pretended to be my wife
through drug induced sexcapades and tears in every fight
we ran away which we thought to do was right
we lasted 3 weeks longer and ended up in a city far away
no money
no bed
in her car we spent the night and day
we had no choice
we had to come back to Lafayette
we returned and those two and a half years ended
with us both being horribly burned
during that time i met so many girls
cheated on her constantly
behind her back
in my own little world
i met a temptress and we hit it off so well
and she accepted me for me
and everything i did tell
my heart, my clothes, my ways in fashion
and even her parents liked my dresses
and in her bedroom we shared passion
the first woman that accepted me for me
and i blew it because i didn't know
what it meant to be happy
i went to job corps and ran away from my family
i met a guy named Michael
who treated me so lovely
for half of a year in job corps we loved
like a fun teeter totter he pushed and shoved
i left job corps and said goodbye to my first boyfriend
and to this day sometimes i wonder where he is and how he's been
and after job corps i went to the airforce
still pretending to be some kind of what idea a man was of course
i met a guy named Barker and he was my wingman
we would run off into the park
and do things that he began
day after day it was our little secret
but not once, not even once did i regret
i couldn't hide any longer and i began misbehaving
although i was at the top of my class fixing F-16's
my sargeant said i wasn't worth saving
honorable discharge and thousands of dollars they gave me to sign a paper
and said goodbye and don't come back
don't even holler
back at home i met a bellydancer
a relationship i very much regret
i felt like she gave me cancer
killed my heart and devoured my soul
and changed me forever after
but i have to thank her for showing me dance and learning about laughter
i was a better person without her
and i smiled every day
glad to rid of the succubus
rid of emotions and dismay
i swore back then
that never again
would i live at anything less than full throttle
i took myself off the shelf
and smashed that god damned bottle
and then i was free
to live how i please
and i've never looked back and refuse to
because without all of them
i wouldn't be
so regretful and learning from everything
and recovered from the blues too
i have to say i'm sorry
for all my craziness and pain
everything and everyone i've hurt
all in my journey of Jane
i am who i am
and i hurt who i did
all because i was too scared to be
and if i had not hidden my self away
i wouldn't have hurt you and me
so many lives i've changed just by knowing me
and is wish to God they never did
without me they could have been happy
i can say that i'm better
because i'm haunted by so many memories
but i can say i'm learning
from my past
so accept my apologies.....
so i locked me away in a bottle
and placed me on a shelf
scared of what family would think
opinions of my parents
scared of not knowing why i always felt different
i learned to act and how to behave
i learned to be strong and hidden away
i got beat
i got bullied
i'll never forget his name
and i remember how 8 years ago i saw him
and he lowered his head in shame
he apologized for picking on me
and offered to buy me a drink
he said i had changed and grew taller and stronger
i laughed and bashed him in the cheek
i said "pick on me now. i'm not little anymore."
he got up and wiped his face and ran out the door
i remember acting like a man
pretending to be what i thought others wanted
my good looks although i was very shy
trying not to flaunt it
i remember my first love
and great i thought she was
when some people picked on her outside a movie theater
i put a knife to their throat because i wouldn't let them beat me or beat her
i got tired of being picked on
i had to be strong for others
but little did i know
i was being cheated on
her with another
i remember my best friend
she was a true real sweetheart
and how much i wished that i had never met the first from the start
but without the first
i could have never met her
and how much fun we had
rubbing noses
and how even when we touched
we kept a secret and no one knows this
we couldn't be together because she was with child from another
even in my bed we both knew it wouldn't work
as we just jumped out the window and ran from my mother
so i skipped through life
not really knowing what a heart felt like
and slowly high school friends slipped away
and then i let my anger of broken heart get to me
i became more dangerous each passing day
i saw a girl i really liked and walked up to her and carved my name
with my fingernail in her arm
she looked at me like i was insane
and she just said "damn you got some charm"
those two and half years were the craziest in my life
i was her mate as she pretended to be my wife
through drug induced sexcapades and tears in every fight
we ran away which we thought to do was right
we lasted 3 weeks longer and ended up in a city far away
no money
no bed
in her car we spent the night and day
we had no choice
we had to come back to Lafayette
we returned and those two and a half years ended
with us both being horribly burned
during that time i met so many girls
cheated on her constantly
behind her back
in my own little world
i met a temptress and we hit it off so well
and she accepted me for me
and everything i did tell
my heart, my clothes, my ways in fashion
and even her parents liked my dresses
and in her bedroom we shared passion
the first woman that accepted me for me
and i blew it because i didn't know
what it meant to be happy
i went to job corps and ran away from my family
i met a guy named Michael
who treated me so lovely
for half of a year in job corps we loved
like a fun teeter totter he pushed and shoved
i left job corps and said goodbye to my first boyfriend
and to this day sometimes i wonder where he is and how he's been
and after job corps i went to the airforce
still pretending to be some kind of what idea a man was of course
i met a guy named Barker and he was my wingman
we would run off into the park
and do things that he began
day after day it was our little secret
but not once, not even once did i regret
i couldn't hide any longer and i began misbehaving
although i was at the top of my class fixing F-16's
my sargeant said i wasn't worth saving
honorable discharge and thousands of dollars they gave me to sign a paper
and said goodbye and don't come back
don't even holler
back at home i met a bellydancer
a relationship i very much regret
i felt like she gave me cancer
killed my heart and devoured my soul
and changed me forever after
but i have to thank her for showing me dance and learning about laughter
i was a better person without her
and i smiled every day
glad to rid of the succubus
rid of emotions and dismay
i swore back then
that never again
would i live at anything less than full throttle
i took myself off the shelf
and smashed that god damned bottle
and then i was free
to live how i please
and i've never looked back and refuse to
because without all of them
i wouldn't be
so regretful and learning from everything
and recovered from the blues too
i have to say i'm sorry
for all my craziness and pain
everything and everyone i've hurt
all in my journey of Jane
i am who i am
and i hurt who i did
all because i was too scared to be
and if i had not hidden my self away
i wouldn't have hurt you and me
so many lives i've changed just by knowing me
and is wish to God they never did
without me they could have been happy
i can say that i'm better
because i'm haunted by so many memories
but i can say i'm learning
from my past
so accept my apologies.....
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