Cigarettes & Regret

 Circled myself in salt 

The moment I locked eyes with you 

Cigarettes and regret 

The writing was all over the wall 

Like a blood stain 

Destruction loomed 

Even as lust bloomed 

Attracted like magnets 

Opposites 

Sometimes working in sync 

Mostly working against each other 

Scheming in the night 

Secret messages and meetings 

You had one foot in my door 

And the other in others 

Yet somehow you’re still my favorite ghost 

Eyes so green

They looked backlit 

Emeralds in the dark 

Hair like a raven 

In search of things with shine 

You found me at a time 

That I was blind 

A baby witch in my infancy

Had no idea the atrocities coming to me 

You fed on my heart 

Left my decaying carcass on display 

As you ran off with your next victim 

So I dove deep into the earth 

Deep into myself 

Let nature lap at my gaping wounds 

Masturbated my lacerations 

Spoke to the trees 

Whispered to the birds my deepest desires 

Faced my fears all alone 

Emerged as a new force 

But still with a hole in my heart 

Your named carved into it 

Like stone 

Hard and cold 

Lava bubbling beneath the surface 

Like smoke, I rise 

Hover above the surface of the sea 

In control now of the waves that once threatened me 

Scream into a starry night sky 

Demanding the universe to return my power 

All of the attention I gave away 

Intention 

The driving force that forces me forward 

Intertwined with bones 

The love notes you wrote 

Burning in the night 

I’ll light 

My way forward with the fire 

Of desire 

That we held once so tightly 

That it suffocated who I was 

And drove me to madness 

Crushing sadness 

Winds of change 

Change who I am 

Unstable as nitrogen 

Craving explosions 

I’ve learned that sometimes 

The only way out is through 

So I threw 

Dynamite 

So bright 

Rubble and confusion 

Scarred and bloodied 

Yet I survived the Great War 

Triumphantly 

The new me 

Rises with my third eye 

I see 

You were never enough to deserve me 

I cast spells 

Tell tales 

One day you’ll be caught in a web 

Of your own lies 

Your own demise 

Written by your own hand 

Fate sealed 

Like my lips 

I won’t feed your ego with my energy 

Like logs into the fire 

Choking on the ash 

I lasted 

Long enough to go far away 

And I roam this land of mine 

Treading a new path 

Marking my territory 

Establishing natural boundaries 

I sing my song like the night bird 

Drifting on the wind 

Landing on your window seal 

Watch as you sleep 

Frozen in fear 

Unaware 

That your night terror is me 

Your least favorite ghost 

You sensed that I had powers 

But you had no clue of their immensity 

You’ll need a big god 

To rid yourself of me 

The times in the night that you can’t breathe 

Grieve 

The nights that you slept in peace 

While I paced 

Devastated and distraught 

Tables turn 

Bridges burn 

And now you have no way out 

Haunted and afraid 

I suck on your soul like a cigarette 

No regret 

As you fill my lungs and I exhale 

Satisfied