Vaquero Dreams

 Met him behind a church in New Mexico 

More like a chapel 

A raw adobe structure where they’d worship 

Worship a being; a presence 

Faith is something we hold onto when we have nothing 

Still not sure if he was an angel or a demon 

But my heart fluttered upon meeting him 

Quiet

Beguiling 

Face to face 

With my dusty face 

The brim of my hat left a swath of my face exposed to the Western sun 

So my right cheek was terracotta 

Mixed with the sweat 

It created its own adobe 

Rife with organic material 

He made me his muse 

Vaquero dreams 

Bandana around my nose and mouth 

All you could see was my cheek and an eye 

But it was enough 

Enough to draw him in 

And he seeped into my being 

Being someone who could 

His powers were subtle 

A wizard in waiting 

Not the priest they thought at all 

He had a darker energy 

Less benevolent 

Sneaky even 

He dressed in all black 

I was in a serape poncho 

Glory riding high on my head 

A face off at sundown 

Good vs. evil 

Or at the very least, less good 

The jeans I had on were a brownish gray 

From being exposed to the wind and dust while riding 

Underneath my studded leather chaps, they were still blue 

Blue like the middle part of the sky on a clear day 

Blue like hope 

Springing eternal from the desolate life around me 

A lonely life 

Long rides 

Contemplation 

I think it was his laugh that drew me in 

That low growl of a laugh 

His name: Shaman 

Fitting 

We exchanged pleasantries 

His words jabbed my ribs

Like spurs 

A dull ache that made me feel alive again 

He was like an oasis 

A mixture of heaven and hell 

Upstairs in the belfry 

Getting off while they were singing prayers 

My prayers 

Were to be made whole again 

After the brokenness had begun to heal 

Bony callus formation 

Remodeling 

My heart as a bone

Unable to be squeezed again 

In a fist so tight 

That my life slipped through his grasp 

He eavesdropped on my prayers 

Make me whole again 

My heart was made of icing 

And it melted on that sunny day 

Arid 

Golden light bathing the foothills 

He loved me more than I was emotionally capable of at that time 

So Paint and I rode off 

His heart in my satchel 

Perhaps I was the wicked one 

After my will was done 

The low growl of his laughter

Would go on to haunt my nights

Nights alone in the desert 

Cold 

Shivers 

At times wishing I’d die 

But I did 

A thousand times a day 

Small deaths 

Mercurial 

Rising and falling 

My last thought that first night without him 

“We’ll see how brave you are” 

As the stars twinkled 

Lucy in the sky with diamonds 

Born that dark night