Thank You, Ms Morissette (by James Leland Ludeau III from Lafayette,LA)
"well it's full speed baby in the wrong direction, baby"
those words connected with me in 1996
i felt like a train speeding down a track that i didn't want to be on
but i embraced the lessons as they came along
sometimes they knocked me the fuck out
sometimes they steered me to safer ground
"please don't sensor your tears"
i know now what that means
vulnerability
a raw desire to share with the world what you've seen
to share what you've learned
"what's the matter Mary Jane? tell me"
Alanis Morissette sang to me
and on many nights i fell asleep to her lyrics
those words permeated my brain
i felt like she did
misunderstood
she was begging someone to tell her what was wrong
and all these years later i'm ready to confess
what i thought i knew was bullshit
my arrogant youth
my disregard for the feelings of others
my insatiable need to be noticed
all of it grew from my ego
and i fed it for so long
that even Alanis became less angry during my process
i watched as she exorcized her demons
the anger
the fear
the rejection
her insecurities
she wore it all on her sleeve
and belted it out
the world was her stage
and she freaked out when she opened her eyes and realized that everyone was listening
i watched her seek solace in India
i observed her silence
and i longed so much for that
silent strength
but i wasn't ready yet to go within
so i fought foolishly
until life humbled me enough to admit that i was full of shit
and now i'm starting to rebuild
"i've got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is giving a peace sign"
i can sit in solitude
i can reflect
i've made peace
i've accepted that i am the product of my choices
i'm still a rebel
but i have a heart
and i no longer sensor my tears
"and what it all comes down to is that i haven't got it all figured out just yet"
do we ever?
this process is a life-long one
a journey
so i try to fill it with peace instead of rage
and beauty instead of harshness
i'm learning
who i am
what i am
why i'm here
and these words i write i hope uplift
inspire
for you can come through whatever is weighing you down
you just have to figure out how to float
those words connected with me in 1996
i felt like a train speeding down a track that i didn't want to be on
but i embraced the lessons as they came along
sometimes they knocked me the fuck out
sometimes they steered me to safer ground
"please don't sensor your tears"
i know now what that means
vulnerability
a raw desire to share with the world what you've seen
to share what you've learned
"what's the matter Mary Jane? tell me"
Alanis Morissette sang to me
and on many nights i fell asleep to her lyrics
those words permeated my brain
i felt like she did
misunderstood
she was begging someone to tell her what was wrong
and all these years later i'm ready to confess
what i thought i knew was bullshit
my arrogant youth
my disregard for the feelings of others
my insatiable need to be noticed
all of it grew from my ego
and i fed it for so long
that even Alanis became less angry during my process
i watched as she exorcized her demons
the anger
the fear
the rejection
her insecurities
she wore it all on her sleeve
and belted it out
the world was her stage
and she freaked out when she opened her eyes and realized that everyone was listening
i watched her seek solace in India
i observed her silence
and i longed so much for that
silent strength
but i wasn't ready yet to go within
so i fought foolishly
until life humbled me enough to admit that i was full of shit
and now i'm starting to rebuild
"i've got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is giving a peace sign"
i can sit in solitude
i can reflect
i've made peace
i've accepted that i am the product of my choices
i'm still a rebel
but i have a heart
and i no longer sensor my tears
"and what it all comes down to is that i haven't got it all figured out just yet"
do we ever?
this process is a life-long one
a journey
so i try to fill it with peace instead of rage
and beauty instead of harshness
i'm learning
who i am
what i am
why i'm here
and these words i write i hope uplift
inspire
for you can come through whatever is weighing you down
you just have to figure out how to float
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