My Lament: Die Another Day (by James Leland Ludeau III from Lafayette,LA)

i wanted the good life
never signed up for an easy ride
i strived to earn it all
my place in this world
never one who played his hand in love
it ate me up like a cancer
killing the joy of my soul
instead i longed to feel the sun on my face
i longed for the days that i felt free
i longed for home
and his arms were so empty
once they crumbled into dust
my fucked up version of love and my ideal of lust
i longed for a father figure
it figures
that i'd search my whole life trying to fill a void
not realizing that i am whole
not defined by time or space
i go round and round
just like a circle
i can see a clearer picture
what i want is to live forever
when i touch the ground
i come full circle
to my place
and i am home
not beneath the earth like him
full of regret
and worms
not void of energy
not lacking of warmth
i saw him fade away
and i don't want any part of that
i know i have to let go of the past
it didn't last
but memory sometimes plays with my mind
i remember him as being kind
can't kiss him goodbye
but i promise to try
this life i live
this air i breathe
for his death
for which i grief
i wear this smile upon my face
my heart filled with grace
guess i'll die another day