...The Bullshit Show ( by James Leland Ludeau III from Lafayette,LA)
i thought the world revolved around my pretty blond head
i thought everyone payed attention to me
like a mannequin
i dressed myself for others
to sell the version of me that they wanted
mass consumption
danced and kissed strangers in clubs until dawn
sipped champagne and popped pills
i was anyone you wanted me to be
i cruised at speeds faster than light for nearly 20 yrs
transforming like a chameleon
adapting to any and all situations
i stood out by being able to blend in
i was foolish and self destructive
i thought if we live in a superficial society
that i should pretend to be that
vapid
so i put on a lengthy bullshit show
i was the writer, the star, and the director of it all
until i was exhausted beyond repair
40
it hit me like a shit ton of bricks
knocked me to my knees
suddenly my youth was slipping through my hands like sand
i couldn't get a grip
felt it fading away
so i stuck my forehead with a neuro toxin to erase time
and it backfired on me
the powers that be weren't having it
i wouldn't be allowed to trick Father Time
and i had to face it
in the mirror
my face was disfigured for a brief time
but it was enough that it rattled my bones
suddenly i realized that by pretending to be superficial that i'd lost who i was
and when i closed my eyes and meditated on it
who i really was came rushing in
there was beauty there but not where i'd looked before
beyond the handful of people in my life that i love, no one was paying attention
and it was like a weight lifted from my shoulders
i felt free
for the first time
i wasn't trapped by what people thought i was
i was free to show them who i am
not what i am
i was the rebelly rebel sticking my middle finger up
until love changed me
real love
the kind that soaks your soul with healing strength
the bullshit show was cancelled
i'd had enough of it
the ratings were down
it was time to exit the party
and to begin my life
at 40
to live the way i was meant to
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