I Am Who I Should Be (by James Leland Ludeau III from Lafayette,LA)

i feel a sadness sink in
i see your name written in granite
and it's my name
you are buried in the ground
and i stand above it
if i could dig my way through the dirt with my fingernails
i would
if i could hug you i would
if i could have known you
i would
but that part of my life was lost
i struggled with that loss
i struggled with not knowing
i struggled with being half
half of what i am
what i was
what i could be
i was raised feeling more Italian
but i feel more French
it's a struggle
seeing your name etched in the granite is haunting
because it's my name
my name
James Leland Ludeau
part French
part Italian
what lies beneath is half of who i am
what survives above is still just half of who i am
who am i?
am i you?
am i me?
am i a combination of us?
i look like her
i feel like you
you wrote
she spoke
i'm incomplete
yet complete
i feel like i am who i should be
but my past is shady