The Fight (by James Leland Ludeau III from Lafayette,LA)

i am attracted to The Fight
it lives in me
having no father helped create it
i didn't feel protected
so i fought to protect myself
built an exterior that no one could destroy
huge walls around my heart to block away any pain or hurt
i disguised pain with humor
distraction
there was a huge contradiction between my dimply smile and my sad brown eyes
but The Fight grew
i wanted my voice to be heard
so i wrote
words
freeing
i no longer felt incarcerated by my own pain
i remember nights lying in bed reading Anne Sexton
and i connected to her oppression
she committed suicide
and i could sympathize
but The Fight was born early in me
and i was collecting role models to help me escape my sad childhood
artists
dancers
writers
they took me out of the environment i grew up in
where something was constantly missing
i never even missed him
i didn't really know him
i guess what i missed was the idea of him
The Fight continued
and when i felt more comfortable in my own skin
and i was willing to deconstruct some of the walls i'd built to hide my real self
The Fight was to share my true being
my real voice
and it took courage
it takes courage to show your insecurities and flaws
but that's when The Fight takes over
and now i feel that i no longer have to fight for myself
i want to fight for others who can't fight for themselves
i want to inspire
i want to share what i've been through
i want to share how i got out of the dark places i knew
The Fight is changing
i am changing
i am The Fight
The Fight is in me
my tolerance is growing
my knowledge is growing
i long to give back
to contribute
to understand what makes the artistic wheel turn
i want to engage