Words of Acadiana

We are two independent people who have separate lives in separate places. However, you occupy my mind. And above the masses you are the one that holds my heart and attention. When we talk there is no room for dishonesty. Even if we only spend one hour a week with each other, it is always water for my sometimes parched spirit. My lanquid heart and time-bent psyche are refreshed by the hope I have for you in my life. 2001 has taught us life can be snuffed out in a moment. Let's make the most of our moments. I want to be a chapter in the story of your life, and if not that, at least a paragraph...a paragraph with a helluva lot of exclamation marks!!!! I want you and it's becoming increasingly apparent that i may need you too... Un-codependtly yours, X (to protect the innocent)

One of these days you'll stop popping the helium balloons...and in silence simply appreciate the experience..not wondering if they were rubber or synthetic or where they were bought...but simply watching them rise beautifully into the skyscape...and feeling blessed that you happened along when they took flight....

There are moments that my flesh is quiet with contentment...it is only a matter of time when the beast of my soul shall wake from his slumber...

the beat builds i've been waiting all week for this to release to let go my soul was kicked down music is my resurrection God is my DJ spinning with all his might i'm in a trance the music takes me where i want to go above away higher i hang on to the words like they are ropes my soul's fingertips digging in and if i fell it'd be a long drop into hell the beat explodes in the air and you can almost see the glitter trail it leaves behind nothing matters here we are all free it's a celebration a fight between the darkness and the light and the light wins tonight i've conquered the beat made it my prisoner but i don't keep it held down i throw it back in the air someone somewhere needs it just as badly as i did i close my eyes and continue my journey my dance my rhythm

so turn down the lights and turn up the volume and take it back to where it belongs let the music work through your body sweat out those demons exorcise what's been trapped within lose yourself to the beat close your eyes and lose yourself music pulsing lights flashing the sweat the buildup the feeling of freedom everybody on the floor interpreting the beat in their own sweet way i swear i was born here underneath these strobe lights and i find myself when i let myself go that's the power of the beat dancing all night til the sun that's what summer means to me sweat and beats and freedom

in the winter of my life he was my summer with a touch like the sun and whispers like a breeze i learned that it takes getting everything you ever wanted and losing it to know true freedom i sought safety in him i was always an unusual boy a chameleon soul my compass pointed in no distinct direction the ocean called to my soul i wanted to drown in its healing power riding on this open road i believe in the person i want to be i want to live fast die young be wild have fun i want to make my life into a work of art i'll be the brush he can be the paint i'll be the pen and he can be my paper

he watched me through the window as i undressed exposed my soul like a prisoner to the beat I danced a hypnotic dance in the pale light he fed me words and i ate until i was full up then he kissed me like rain drops falling on my desert like soul he sang to me and i moved to the beat my naked skin writhed on the floor  our love was a beauty born in filth destined to end explosive seductive destructive i let his touch guide my body until i could take no more so full of desire that i thought i'd explode and like honey it flowed out of me sweet but poisonous the torture of wanting someone the pleasure of having him the pain of not being able to keep him my mind wanting to seduce my heart wanting to flee pinned down by our lust yet soaring above the clouds

Am i what you want me to be? that super hero who rescues you when you need me? well it's alright you can sleep tight tonight I'll carry on my fight BUT I wish that i could cry I fall upon my knees But you're too concerned with what it is you need No one rescues me Is it my fault? Could i even let you try? I'm more than some pretty face not always faster than that plane More than my silly red cape not always able to stop that train Don't always feel like that shiny super hero Even if it's all you'll see Sometimes I just want to dream of being a weaker me The steel of which i'm made sometimes it wears thin and truth be told i hate to fly i'm scared of heights but the role i play is the one you need I slip on my suit and take to the sky gonna battle the bad guys tonight while you're safe in your bed and even though i won the fight i feel like i've lost the war this Superman thing is bigger than me and you&

Sometimes when the wind and waves become rough My boat capsizes having not yet perfected the art of smooth sailing I drift struggling to right my craft and regain control In times such as these I rejoice in the perfect rediscovery of your rock island whose solid caves beckon and whereupon i may rest, mend my craft, and plot my course anew Before i again set sail I may fight in my life not to need much But I don't find the need to fight you

once apon a time we swore we'd never say goodbye we went round for round 'til we knocked love out and this fairytale died a premature death emotional changes ups and downs like a rollercoaster feeling lucky feeling pissed feeling hurt wish i could push reset back to when we loved each other when being in your arms drowned everything else out no need to call my phone i changed my number today just want to get away not so easy to fake not being in love with you wish i could hate you but i just sit and stare at your pictures and wish i could capture your heart like they capture your smile but it's a done deal perhaps i was a dick perhaps i didn't think it through but you walked out of the door convincingly as if you didn't care but your emails suggest that there is still something there so do i give it CPR or do i let it die? like a flame, it would flicker out if i didn't feed it i was so convinced that you were too damaged

my heart breaks every step that i take Bleeding the end of our love It couldn't last  You made me laugh Then you made me sad Pinned you against the wall Open mouth kissed you in the pouring rain You like your men insane You burned my skin You bruised my lips You & I met to end Sending my heart through the holy water carwash to get rid of your sin that consumed me The sin that sent me to my knees Not to pray Trapped under your lust Strangled by your kisses Electrified my nights Exploded in the sky Addicted Conflicted Wanting it to end so i can heal But so turned on i can't deal You drug me into our beginning And now you're dragging me through our ending We took a walk on the wild side A fast and furious ride Tore up my heart Blown apart Emotions like blood ran down my cheeks And I lay on this cold floor unfinished But feeling defeated Sometimes love's not enough And the road gets rough And we don

On Facebook today: "James Leland Ludeau..you inspire me because you never stop learning, growing, adapting, changing. People say "you haven't changed a bit" and consider that a compliment, but i think it's more of an insult to think that someone has had time pass and not learned anything, not changed anything, not experienced anything. you, my dear, have changed a lot! you retain your core (which we all should). but you are not afraid of the unknown. you don't embrace it. you rope that fucker like a pro cattleman and wrestle it to the ground and tame it. you inspire me to take more chances!" Those words are so inspirational. Someone is listening. Someone is paying attention. That's exactly what i want to do...uplift...inspire...give courage to my fellow writers and citizens. I want us all to learn what freedom and love are all about.....

my psyche is a virtual costume closet i drag out whatever i drag i need for the occasion i'm facing i can be a ballerina delicate and intentional or i can be a geisha girl quiet and submissive my favorite costume in my arsenal is the samurai deliberate and swift fighting the good fight fucking up anything in my way destructive in a positive way sometimes i bring out the little boy wounded heart puppy dog brown eyes and dimples blond other times the grown ass  man surfaces darker hair glasses knowing and wise you see, i wear many guises i'm dynamic adaptive and just when you think you have me figured out i disappear reemerge as something you've never seen i'm the ringmaster of this circus and none of these characters  are me yet they all are absolutely who i am

gravity hurts falling from your arms where i longed to be i read it all wrong wasn't what it seemed out of the lions' den born again treading on my path i was all aboard until you said you would be King 'cuz that's not how my story will be written i won't fall asleep for 100 years and wake up to be rescued I'm the prince, the princess and the King of my tale back on my feet reassembling the pieces don't have to pretend any longer i'll write my own destiny share my thoughts bare my soul blind-sided by you, i saw stars now i'll fly to them no easy way from the earth to the stars i've never loved easy never loved easily but i'm wide awake and my heart is open no longer bound by a liar's ideas

the only thing i will hold against you is me....

holding her...this person..in my arms..purity in its best form...made time and the flood of imaginative playgrounds...come to a palliative halt..making that moment of awe...very real...even the most self obsessed souls..stop to appreciate that moment...that purity claimed...

thought that we could change the world together thought that our visions intertwined i was naive i just believed everything that you told me said you were strong but i found out you were weak and i soon turned into more than you could handle shining like a chandelier decorating the filthy room you tried to trap me in not a crystal chandelier, that's your bag the light inside of me comes from God i broke away and found the strength to leave you behind but unlike what you'd told me my inspiration didn't die it grew stronger pure those dreams we had are now just mine nothing is worth your happiness misery loves company so, i'd rather go on alone renegade rebel freedom fighter i'll give a voice to my community that will be unique to my journey still a little sad inside that you had to go you crawled away into your dark cave to smother who you are with filth side effects we both have side effects i'll overcome

I met you and in an instant our hearts had made a connection intertwined wined and dined a metal that i thought was gold i fell down your rabbit hole sucked into your creative bubble all i could see was you your vision blurred my own But thunderous clouds rolled onto the horizon threatening an electrical storm i raised my sails prepared to fail The winds kicked in and displaced everything familiar to me the passion that ran through your veins was not pure the source was filth you lived in a world were Tina ruled and Tina's a bitch with her tight pencil skirts she searches the hallways looking for lost innocents individuals full of self loathing who long to run to her arms for shelter you'd fallen we'd both fallen but in far different manners you were in Tina's grasp and you lied to hide your shame deep inside you knew that your soul served a deeper purpose but you are trapped in a world of self hate until your heart blooms and you cast away th

With icy cold steel you cut out my heart With the warmth of a kiss you blew me apart You tore down my wall & eroded my guise You fucked with my head & sold me your lies Like a moth drawn to flames I'm sure to burn up But like a star blowing up I'll light the night up Chased your love knowing it was not to be had Tried to be good but knowing I'm bad You're a beautiful killer with your dark as night eyes Set fire to my lips & took to the skies Sex in the dark Lighting my spark Dripping like honey from my mouth I knew the danger all along Knew I'd be singing a fucked up song I couldn't resist you I had to give in Now you're shooting me down My beautiful friend Your reptilian nature Drew you to my warmth You stole my light Diminished me Almost finished me But I'm back & fighting Bleeding & bruised Feeling like a fiend

L ike a masked crusader you flew into my life Promising happy endings Sterile & cold it quickly became I was messier than you liked You tied me up & stole my soul But you never conquered my heart Extinguished my fire I walked the wire My hands bound by chains Unable to run But my soul remained unchained I walked the highwire  Balancing myself between Heaven & your hell Clouds above Flames below Until I held my breath & jumped The fire threatened to consume me But I'd lived enough hell with you that God rescued me I survived as a Lion always does And in my 9th life at the 11th hour I fought my way out of your grasp Kicked you in the jaw Drew blood Knocked away your mask & beneath it was a void There's was nothing there to love So I kissed your bloody lips goodbye Sealed the deal Pistol whipped you into submission My hands covered in your

My parched soul sought nourishing And so began our rain-drenched affair So dizzy was I in my drunken need That I was blind to the clouds hovering above Deaf to the thunderous warnings My famished ego gorged itself on the fat of our murderous lust So thirsty was I for enlightenment That I drank in oceans of knowledge And once consumed I used it against you The strongest of a species always survives The one who learns to wisely use his resources Always comes out at the top of his game I thought myself to be the winner Yet in my greatest strengths lay my weakness And the waves of your hate tore through me And I was thrashed by your cyclonic madness But the winds of my Desire to Evolve carried me far away from your self-serving grasp And the obstacles that I had to overcome  Were the lessons that carved me Into who I am today I learned that it is impossible for one to weather the storm Without faith in the Sun

...the rain came and i swallowed its assault..as if it were a turbulent drunken love...in every ebb and flow..the constant of your girdled sorrow remains...i know her scent well...she visits often...today...perpetual layers...shifts...it has come to be..that our lives are not just this...that we perceive..i carry the torch of lifetimes past..in the moments of quiet....voices of all those that have come before...befall on present day contamination of spirit...the rain falls..swallows me whole...

am i Superman? or am i Clark Kent? when i don't have on the cape, do i still have something to offer? when the kyrptonite with its glowing green power threatens can i slip on the glasses and thwart disaster? you meet me and you know that i possess traits of both that i'm smart and super and i fight for what's right i can be stronger than steel but i'm not always just the hero there are times when i could use hug sometimes i don't want to take that flight it's a lonely life but it's all i've known and whether i'm Superman or Clark Kent you should still help me write my story I want to win the boy I want to be the boy who's won I want to be yours I want to rescue you from fear and danger and capture your heart I want to dazzle you with my blue suit but i also want to sit down and tell you what's going on with me when i only have a suit and tie on Been blessed with courage but also knowledge so, see me as whatever role that

when you have no other option i'm always here when you're lonely i'm here when you're sad i'm here you lie you cheat but i'm still here waiting for something to give besides me i'm at my breaking point i'm bending far beyond repair i'm not as flexible as i used to be age has taken its toll on me i'm still here waiting for what i wish most for waiting in vein i see you'll never give me that chance to be the only one you'll never love me again like you did when we were young i squandered my chance i've lost she's won

you look for me but i am no longer my wings were not clipped by your hate though my thoughts were saturated with your lust and what i thought was love just consumed me led me through the fire of you to be changed in form into what i am this day so i look back with a hand full of the dust of our ruins i wink and blow it away to scatter my wishes into the winds

i would've fought to the death but you were wrapped in Meth and your words were false a ridiculous prophet preaching your delusions of grandeur so i broke free time to shine my Light more concerned with soul than ego with awareness rather than Pride so i take a deep breath and plunge into the deep end time to swim time to share time to tell my tales in my own voice with my own words with a vision of clarity and an air of calm no hangover needed.....

Rain drenched on my watery walk home/ the French Quarter flooded in filthy water/ a soaking as intense as the filthy fuck i had last night/ pinned against the wall/ our clothes like our hearts piled on the floor/ my feet pounding this ancient path/ i soak in the scenery with a new set of eyes/ my clothes stick to me like your skin did/ the rain has no regard for the physical inconvenience it imposes on the poor people around me/ but i'm not bothered/ these streets are not the only things baptized on this morning/ after last night i'm sure i'll never be dry again/ my skin still burns from the friction of you on top of me/ your smell is raw and primal/ as i'm open mouth kissed your tongue tastes of whiskey and precum/ i'm an addict to your flesh/ crawling on the floor to feel your touch/ but it's not all pleasure/ there's a pain in knowing that you like New Orleans around me aren't meant to be tamed/ a fuckery i must accept/ you bring me to a place i'v

in the night..i lie in sheets..filled with hopeful sorrows...mended wounds...to give life...i must take life...falling on deaf ears...the hollow echo of what is to become..travels across a sea of self defiance...in rotting wooden boats...moored my promises that were never owed...i only did what the sparrows do..bathing in dust...flicking dirt up with my fingernails...to deny you was easier...than mulling the courage...to love you...to watch the sky change from hue to majestic...taking mental photographs...was easier than...dancing to the rhythm of my soul...and bathing in the sky's light...of what is...i cry when only laughter is heard...split me open..you will find...nothing...and everything...to give life...i must take life...

Kneeling on the precipice of this great abyss wind howling through me my ears can not hear my eyes water and sting with tears these clothes wrap my shell I'm hollow nails griping the ground searching for something to stop me from being sucked in rocks and roots tearing my skin beating myself as i slip down I'm hollow your words ringing in my head so loudly you scream how can you wish you were dead there's nothing left inside of me no love no peace no serenity how long do you think i'll last before i break I'm hollow a shell of who i once was I have to let go to save myself Let go of who i was let go of the hurt that i have caused myself let go of the madness that races in circles through my head let go of you holding on to her let go of you I'm hollow as shell of who i once was that sinking hole inside my chest that abyss of emptiness black dead full of shame i must fill it with something other than your name I'm hollow My Go

I am a lover of words. I collect them like stamps or seashells. I keep them bound in books, showcased in inken paper, hung on the walls and graffitied in improper places. I love them all...love their shapes, their appearances, the way they taste in my mouth, the feelings they evoke. Some in my collection aren't worth anything because of their common nature: shit, fuck, the, and. Some are exotic: Zoroastrian, mandala, Ecumenical, Zaire. Some are priceless complexities of art: quixotic, ecclesiastical, onomatopoeia, aqueous. The first one i ever collected was mama- simple. Everyone has that one..but that was only the start and from there my collection grew. My collection is vast as is spans across centuries, continents, land, sea, and space. It covers animate and inanimate, corporeal and incorporeal. All faiths, all beliefs, all imaginations. It is culled from narratives, advertisements, works of art, appellation, music, and nature. I have found valuable pieces while rummaging th

His words had an extra layer of inexplicable magic He kissed me from behind as he whispered in my ear I had to surrender to the touch The smell: primal The feeling: heat The air: humid "I'm intrigued" he said "How intrigued?" i teased The aura of my lust exploded in a cloud above us like tingly glitter falling on our skin The air electrified by my need for him The need to feel the warmth of his skin pressed into mine His fingers touched my body in the abyss I could feel the nerves beneath my skin light up like Roman candles I was hooked The longing for his flesh coursed through my veins Feeding and igniting my brain In the dim light created by passing headlights I could see a crucifix hanging above me The eyes of Jesus staring down on my unholy skin What started with a mutual flirtation had suddenly burst into a full on sexual revolution His body collapsed into mine Our hands bound by each other Was this heaven? Right by his side like a thi