Chasing The Fairy (by Miserlu White from New Iberia, LA)
Chasing the Fairy’s Ass
So many people lost happiness. Happiness is such a nebulous concept. It is different for each individual. Finding it can be difficult, especially because we often think one thing will make us happy and then we find that it doesn't. We often don't recognize happiness.
Think about this...think of your first apartment. For most of us, it was a small apartment in a questionable neighborhood with used or cheap ass furniture and a fridge filled with condiments from fast food places and 7-Elevens and a cupboard filled with Ramen noodles. Band and movie posters on the walls, small TV (possibly with rabbit ears), crappy stereo with antenna at full crank. One bowl, one plate, one glass. Maybe two or three if you had room mates. One or two sets of sheets and towels. A vacuum...umm...do we need that? Yeah? Well, okay...You probably spent many a night in that crappy apartment, music on, kicking back drinks with friends, trying to drown out the noise from the white trash neighbors next door having their umpteenth fight of the week or from the vatos in the barrio doing the same thing your asses were doing except they were just doing it outside. You and your friends talked about what life was going to be like when you A) finished college B) got promoted C) got your dream job D) your parents finally kicked the bucket and left you everything. You imagined a life in a nice home or condo in some exciting or relaxing place. You imagined your spouse or significant other. You imagined kids. You imagined careers. You imagined this fabulous life that awaited you outside and beyond that crappy apartment.
Now that you have thought back on it, look in the mirror. You have a smile on your face, don't you? Whether you realize it or not, you were happy in that apartment. That crappy ass cracktown apartment. Why were you happy there even though you were not happy there at the time? Because that home/condo, spouse/significant other, kid(s), career, fabulous life that you finally got came with a shitload more responsibilities...and that crappy apartment barely had any. We're out of beer! Holy crap! I'll be back in a minute. Let me count change in the sofa and run across to 7-E...a few minutes later...Beer!!! However, in this grown up life, stuff costs more and there is more counting on you. You may be happy now, but I bet you are imagining your retirement, a better job, a promotion, a vacation.
See, sometimes, we have happiness and we don't even realize it.
Sadly, sometimes, we also fool ourselves into believing that we are happy when we really aren't. This makes me sad because I always want everyone to be happy (not all the damned time, that would just be too fucking Disney and that would freak me the fuck out). You know what I mean. I am one of those people that honestly believes that everyone should have the opportunity to be happy in life. When I see that my friends or family are in a situation that makes them unhappy, that makes me hurt a little, because it is easy to tell someone "well, then, find a new job" or "well, then move somewhere else" but the truth is that, more often than not, it is not feasible to just do that.
Even sadder is the fact that, sometimes, what will make one person happy will cause another or others sadness or pain, hurt or anger. Sometimes, couples divorce. Sometimes, kids move away. Sometimes, a company relocates its primary office. Sometimes, people make decisions that you know are bad for them, but they make them anyway. Drugs. Alcohol. Bad significant others. Gambling. Smoking. Dropping out of college. Running away. Gangs. Cults. Ryan Seacrest fan clubs. Marrying a Kardashian.
This goes back to chasing that nebulous, elusive, tricky little happiness fairy. That bitch! She moves so quickly and never is in clear sight and disappears in front of your eyes. She can even blind you sometimes. You go running into the light after her and cannot see that she is hovering just over the edge of a cliff. And by the time you realize it, you are stunned, suspended in mid air like a cartoon character, before you drop far below. Everyone around you saw the cliff. They told you about the cliff, but you were blinded by that fucking fairy's glowing lightning bug ass.
Mind you, sometimes, you catch the fairy and she is real and you are happy. And usually, the people that were left behind find their own happiness as well. Those that don't never let go...they never truly forgave.
Seek happiness. Be kind to those that you may hurt in the process. Remember, they didn't ask for this change in their lives. Don't chase the fairy blindly, but seek her, catch a glimpse of her and remember how you feel in the exact moment in which you see her clearly. Freeze it in your mind and hold that feeling. THAT is happiness. It is a feeling. Different for every individual, but the feeling is the same. It is the moment when the glow of that little fairy's ass transfers to your heart and soul and lights you up from within. THAT is happiness. That glow that comes from within.
Think about this...think of your first apartment. For most of us, it was a small apartment in a questionable neighborhood with used or cheap ass furniture and a fridge filled with condiments from fast food places and 7-Elevens and a cupboard filled with Ramen noodles. Band and movie posters on the walls, small TV (possibly with rabbit ears), crappy stereo with antenna at full crank. One bowl, one plate, one glass. Maybe two or three if you had room mates. One or two sets of sheets and towels. A vacuum...umm...do we need that? Yeah? Well, okay...You probably spent many a night in that crappy apartment, music on, kicking back drinks with friends, trying to drown out the noise from the white trash neighbors next door having their umpteenth fight of the week or from the vatos in the barrio doing the same thing your asses were doing except they were just doing it outside. You and your friends talked about what life was going to be like when you A) finished college B) got promoted C) got your dream job D) your parents finally kicked the bucket and left you everything. You imagined a life in a nice home or condo in some exciting or relaxing place. You imagined your spouse or significant other. You imagined kids. You imagined careers. You imagined this fabulous life that awaited you outside and beyond that crappy apartment.
Now that you have thought back on it, look in the mirror. You have a smile on your face, don't you? Whether you realize it or not, you were happy in that apartment. That crappy ass cracktown apartment. Why were you happy there even though you were not happy there at the time? Because that home/condo, spouse/significant other, kid(s), career, fabulous life that you finally got came with a shitload more responsibilities...and that crappy apartment barely had any. We're out of beer! Holy crap! I'll be back in a minute. Let me count change in the sofa and run across to 7-E...a few minutes later...Beer!!! However, in this grown up life, stuff costs more and there is more counting on you. You may be happy now, but I bet you are imagining your retirement, a better job, a promotion, a vacation.
See, sometimes, we have happiness and we don't even realize it.
Sadly, sometimes, we also fool ourselves into believing that we are happy when we really aren't. This makes me sad because I always want everyone to be happy (not all the damned time, that would just be too fucking Disney and that would freak me the fuck out). You know what I mean. I am one of those people that honestly believes that everyone should have the opportunity to be happy in life. When I see that my friends or family are in a situation that makes them unhappy, that makes me hurt a little, because it is easy to tell someone "well, then, find a new job" or "well, then move somewhere else" but the truth is that, more often than not, it is not feasible to just do that.
Even sadder is the fact that, sometimes, what will make one person happy will cause another or others sadness or pain, hurt or anger. Sometimes, couples divorce. Sometimes, kids move away. Sometimes, a company relocates its primary office. Sometimes, people make decisions that you know are bad for them, but they make them anyway. Drugs. Alcohol. Bad significant others. Gambling. Smoking. Dropping out of college. Running away. Gangs. Cults. Ryan Seacrest fan clubs. Marrying a Kardashian.
This goes back to chasing that nebulous, elusive, tricky little happiness fairy. That bitch! She moves so quickly and never is in clear sight and disappears in front of your eyes. She can even blind you sometimes. You go running into the light after her and cannot see that she is hovering just over the edge of a cliff. And by the time you realize it, you are stunned, suspended in mid air like a cartoon character, before you drop far below. Everyone around you saw the cliff. They told you about the cliff, but you were blinded by that fucking fairy's glowing lightning bug ass.
Mind you, sometimes, you catch the fairy and she is real and you are happy. And usually, the people that were left behind find their own happiness as well. Those that don't never let go...they never truly forgave.
Seek happiness. Be kind to those that you may hurt in the process. Remember, they didn't ask for this change in their lives. Don't chase the fairy blindly, but seek her, catch a glimpse of her and remember how you feel in the exact moment in which you see her clearly. Freeze it in your mind and hold that feeling. THAT is happiness. It is a feeling. Different for every individual, but the feeling is the same. It is the moment when the glow of that little fairy's ass transfers to your heart and soul and lights you up from within. THAT is happiness. That glow that comes from within.
The only way to be happy is to open yourself up to the world and let the happiness in when it knocks on your door. Shit! Let it in, serve it cake and tea and play dress up with it! Take happiness dancing on a rooftop! Sing off key and loud with happiness! Show happiness a good time and she will never leave your side. And that is what I have been trying to do...I left the door open for happiness...and I'll be damned if she didn't sneak in one night and curl up next to me and play with my hair and tell me fabulous stories of pirates and witches and fairies and marauders and shooting stars.
So tonight, instead of just leaving the door open a crack, I threw it wide open, opened all of the windows and the back door as well. I set out a special vanilla bean cupcake and a cigar. I lit candles and incense.
And, of course, I chilled the vodka.
And, of course, I chilled the vodka.
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