Side Effects (by James Leland Ludeau III from Lafayette,LA)
as my fingers go numb
and feet turn cold
as i feel the sensation of warm balls of jello travel up and down my spine
as my neck stiffens
as i struggle for breath
as my heart races out of my chest
and the world around me spins violently
as my eyes make movements all of their own
and my limbs feel like heavy sacks of burning sand
as i profusely sweat for no reason
and stabbing sensations like crucifixion run up and down my arms
and i feel tremors take over
i realize that i made a mistake
that i valued what i looked like
over what i'm capable of doing in life
it's hard to describe
but i'll try my best
for while i feel so out of control of my own body
i feel completely in control of my mind
i have decided how i want to continue
i have given up the fight i know i'll never win
i will succumb to time
i will let it have it's way with me like an abusive lover
i will embrace it
i will let it alter what is left of my youth
i will draw inward
and allow the Light within to seep out
it is where the real me resides
it is my true beauty
not this sick, twisted feeling i have now
i can feel the battle in my body
that the sickness i suffered from is trying to win
Narcissism is like a cancer
and i've found the cure
a balance
i can look as good as i try
i will have the looks i deserve
that i earn through the way i live my life
i want to dance
i want to sing
i want to write lessons to leave behind
i want my legacy to be that of sharing
caring
teaching
growth
change
i want this grip to leave my body
i want to cast away its hands
it will not strangle my soul
even if it alters my physical shell
i signed up for one thing
and i'm leaving with something much larger
in trying to change the way i look to appeal to people
i changed the way i feel to appeal more to me
this little light of mine
i'm about to let it shine
so if you can't stand the glare
i invite you back into the darkness
there's an awful lot of baggage i'll be dumping on my way to what's waiting for me out there
and there is a great peace that takes over
knowing that i've broken free of my disease
even while in the grips of its side effects
I smile
and feet turn cold
as i feel the sensation of warm balls of jello travel up and down my spine
as my neck stiffens
as i struggle for breath
as my heart races out of my chest
and the world around me spins violently
as my eyes make movements all of their own
and my limbs feel like heavy sacks of burning sand
as i profusely sweat for no reason
and stabbing sensations like crucifixion run up and down my arms
and i feel tremors take over
i realize that i made a mistake
that i valued what i looked like
over what i'm capable of doing in life
it's hard to describe
but i'll try my best
for while i feel so out of control of my own body
i feel completely in control of my mind
i have decided how i want to continue
i have given up the fight i know i'll never win
i will succumb to time
i will let it have it's way with me like an abusive lover
i will embrace it
i will let it alter what is left of my youth
i will draw inward
and allow the Light within to seep out
it is where the real me resides
it is my true beauty
not this sick, twisted feeling i have now
i can feel the battle in my body
that the sickness i suffered from is trying to win
Narcissism is like a cancer
and i've found the cure
a balance
i can look as good as i try
i will have the looks i deserve
that i earn through the way i live my life
i want to dance
i want to sing
i want to write lessons to leave behind
i want my legacy to be that of sharing
caring
teaching
growth
change
i want this grip to leave my body
i want to cast away its hands
it will not strangle my soul
even if it alters my physical shell
i signed up for one thing
and i'm leaving with something much larger
in trying to change the way i look to appeal to people
i changed the way i feel to appeal more to me
this little light of mine
i'm about to let it shine
so if you can't stand the glare
i invite you back into the darkness
there's an awful lot of baggage i'll be dumping on my way to what's waiting for me out there
and there is a great peace that takes over
knowing that i've broken free of my disease
even while in the grips of its side effects
I smile
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