Words of Acadiana

like Beyonce i'm gonna get on my surfboard ride this year above the surface fierce as the waves crest and fall i'll be above it all focused i know what i want seize it own it rock it it's a lesson i've lived to learn what you get you earn full of naked tanned skin blond hair tattoos words i will create my own visual i will not be part of a picture that you paint of me I am ME my own creation life is short no matter how many years you get i want to live louder crank it up i want to stand out this year contribute inspire look into my eyes and feel my soul touch my skin and feel the heat i am gonna ride it with my surfboard

2014 no empty promises no short term goals resolutions are not solutions action not reaction solid survival striving growing moving showing this shit is about to get owned i've grown i've shown every part of myself but my soul is about to explode into a glittery show show and tell heaven not hell stars champagne hard work gym sweat blood tears i will emerge i was submerged i urge to explode purge break the mold sexy sex naked flesh on the floor heavy breathing bringing it back 2014....LOOK OUT

i want to stand over the toilet and shit out the turd of a year that 2013 was. I want to first express that i am thankful for everything that i have, and realize that a lot of people on this planet have gone through far, far worse than i did in 2013. But this year was a real low for me. But, let's address some positive things first. I met Louis Toliver and started writing again and got inspired to join the Louisiana Words crew. I even started this blog of my own. I ventured out of my comfort zone. i started going out again. I can thank Joel Bergeron for pushing me toward that. And even though we parted ways this year, i will always wish him well. I felt inspired to tattoo my body more this year. Stars and the word FORGIVE. which is huge. a big, big lesson for me. FORGIVE. let it all go. the hurt. the pain. the guilt. the past. FORGIVE and move on with you life. start new things. I took some spiritual steps forward after taking one HUGE step back...i thought that i needed Botox to l

i gave you all of me it wasn't enough but that says more about you  than it says about me now there's no need to call me on the phone i'd rather be alone my love no longer around hidden behind walls that won't come down you treated me like i'd never been so have some of your own medicine penicillin won't cure i'm the villain willing to tear it all down to remain free no longer you no longer me no longer we

you see this boy in front of you and i say boy because i believe i still am i'm growing learning changing i'm a slow bloomer but it's coming to life i felt wronged by my childhood i felt that life isn't fair i wore the victim hat but something shifted and i've met people who had fathers who abused them and i felt lucky i felt that not having my dad was in a way a gift it inspired me to write and paint and draw i looked for many ways to fill the hole in my life i don't feel like the others around me i feel different i'm oversensitive to things i wear my heart on my sleeve but you have to look past the exterior to see it but i feel it all crumbling i get a change weekly to stand in front of an audience and share my writings share my feelings i get to feel an exchange of energy a connection and i also get to hear what others have gone through and it makes me realize that we are all surviving this life and that happiness is not someth

i am attracted to The Fight it lives in me having no father helped create it i didn't feel protected so i fought to protect myself built an exterior that no one could destroy huge walls around my heart to block away any pain or hurt i disguised pain with humor distraction there was a huge contradiction between my dimply smile and my sad brown eyes but The Fight grew i wanted my voice to be heard so i wrote words freeing i no longer felt incarcerated by my own pain i remember nights lying in bed reading Anne Sexton and i connected to her oppression she committed suicide and i could sympathize but The Fight was born early in me and i was collecting role models to help me escape my sad childhood artists dancers writers they took me out of the environment i grew up in where something was constantly missing i never even missed him i didn't really know him i guess what i missed was the idea of him The Fight continued and when i felt more comfortable in

a thousand thoughts i think of you sometimes i worry that it's wasted time sometimes it's just enough sometimes it's too much but all i can do is wait wait to see what happens and feel feel feelings and it's been a while since i smiled like this been a while since i had such a connection so go on baby get the lighter we're gonna start our fire like silent soldiers marching into love roll over and whisper some sweetness in my ear come here and cuddle up

i watch you looking at me and my fever grows i'm a lucky man with fire in my hand i hope you understand happiness it's just a change in me something in my liberty oh my mind happiness it's just a change of my scenery there's a message in the mess that i once was just keep going that's what i think my voice says whether it's good or bad now i'm a lucky man

i look up and i see stars i look down and i see stars stars cover me guide me soothe me i came along and wrote a poem for you to show you how beautiful you are to me and how i want to turn this into something beautiful for you i want to shine i want to be your star i want to hang onto you like the night wrap my arms around your body and feel your warmth it can be us against the world you're special to me lift off my blindfold and let me see again the stars on you on me us it's a starry winter night and my heart is exploding like a super nova your mouth covers mine and i utter not a word you silence my wildness my hand reaches for yours and tonight don't let go don't let time erode us in the rain slow it down whatever moments whatever minutes i get of you i treasure i hang onto like stars hold onto the night sky you're my something

hard as a diamond soft as cashmere depends on the day and how you treat me it's all in your approach i'm a rough and tough nothing's gonna knock this boy down i'd rather laugh with you than fight i'd rather share with you than take but my soul is a storm and it only takes one ingredient to cause havoc you so watch how you talk to me you'd much rather have my head on your shoulder than up in your face and i'd rather be sweet than sour we are at a point where we are never going to be the same again we are always at that point so let's heal together instead of hurting let's not let the world unravel us

showered in grace fragranced by love grounded in purity humbled by honesty lived in my skin amazed by evolution

you're not angel baby as you pin me to the bed this love explodes fireworks bite marks claw marks primal yet sweet and there's a little of last night left on these sheets i'm no angel either there are no angels in love we've all been on our knees and not to pray we've all had that taste of love in our mouths it's why we chase it every chance we get so if i cook this meal for you naked will you taste the lust i pour into it? we have chemistry we have a recipe that works straight up fucking then love making sinner and saint your kisses fall on my lips i feel your breath i can smell you i hear your heartbeat beneath your chest feel the hair of our bodies rubbing and i'm not ashamed i'm not sorry no sorrows no regrets i was made for this

shine a light on it it's worth it and excuse while i claim the crown that's always been mine affix it on top of my head and i will stomp around this planet and live my life loudly proudly i'm a lion for fuck's sake i'm not build to cower i'm built to roar right in your face i'm built for the hunt i'm built for the mother fucking kill a thousand years a sheep doesn't beat one as a lion that energy returning king kingdom mine ours intertwined and won't you feel silly that you doubted me while i was down i was simply napping preparing for this next chapter i'm gonna own the fuck out of this moment

On a winter's night walking arm in arm the new stars on my arm ablaze with pain the cold fills my lungs i breathe it in ready to begin your head on my shoulder such sweetness comfort you took the pretty picture of who i thought i was and you smashed it into bits sank me into blackness and you sealed it with your kiss want you so don't want to let you go it's amazing what a boy can do i can not stop myself my heart aches from the piercing poison arrowed you aimed and stabbed it with it's heavy and it's bitter and it's tearing me apart tearing me away from who i was you have my heart it's amazing what a boy can say love you more than yesterday if only i could set you free you've worked your way inside of me and it's crazy how easily i gave up the struggle to remain stubborn want you and no one else

i look outside on this crisp winter morning and the leaves that are trying to hang on remind me that eventually it all falls away we shed the old to create new and the colors of this morning are blue and orange and red and my heart is full and my head is calm in this moment standing in my doorway in my underwear freezing waiting for you to arrive the sun is warm on my bare feet and i have everything i need i'm where i'm supposed to be let the whole world be at war fighting for what their egos want i'll retreat to my own little island of peace i'll go for my soul and my heart and let my ego dissolve into light i'm happy i have a visual a vision of an artist

i am figuring it out as i go the mountains they have called to me i have found myself in them i have carved a constellation of my own out on my arm captured by stars guided by light trying to battle my ego i don't want to just be a waste of your energy and i don't pretend to know what you know but if we already knew what everyone knows we wouldn't have anything to learn tonight and it makes it alright i say bring it on bring what you've got i'll take my shot i'll try to love you like you've never known i have had enough mystery let's create a history together

excuse my insecurities as they seep out as they dissolve i resolve to make it past them leave them behind me the way i was treated in my past has no bearing on my future what i feel is purity clarity i can't give you everything but i can give you what you thought you need give me a map of what you want and i'll get us there let's talk about the road behind us and how getting lost isn't a waste of time it's all for the sake of arriving with you i can't take back what's been done but i can make you promises of what i'll do we could make this into anything we could make it more than words we speak make us into what we should be it's just like it feels heals us from the inside out it's what we're about lay your head head upon my lap and let me tell you about it and in the moment my insecurities die

i'm a sinner and i own it i'm covered in ink i covet the skin that covers your body i want to dive into it i'm guilty of lust of dirty thoughts sex against the wall and if there's a mirror i'll catch a glimpse just to make sure i look good in the lighting i'm a sinner i like everything in excess i want to live out loud i drink my wine down and i think about how great it is to kiss you my thoughts are caught in the clouds above we're slowly writing a story word by word touch by touch something is happening beneath my skin i'm a sinner not a beginner and i don't even believe in sin i just give in it is what it is you take what you take and you leave what you leave it's an exchange an energy flow

he's my different kind of buzz with his head on my lap asleep he settles in and his breathing changes and we both have stars on our arms it's sexy

i can picture you sitting in your chair staring out of the window looking at the city below you your face serene and i wonder if you wonder about me why must we wake up in beds in different cities when we love each other two egos fighting to win but both losing and time waits for no man i try to give in but it's not my nature but the wanting for you is stronger than my resolve and i call you and i act like it's all cool can you see through my facade? this love is a masterpiece i keep your shirt in a drawer because it reminds me of that first week and it smells like innocence we may never give in to this love enough to make it work but i want you to know that it's significant it's changed me

woke up in your bed confused used the wine from last night erased my judgment sins within grinning being in love with you is like driving a Maserati down a dead in street spinning wheels but there is a gravity between us that grounds me you say more with your hands quicksand i fall and it's my choice the friction of you against me i crave wreckless i like it

you're my achilles heel my weak spot your smile erases my fury the way you touch me makes me forget that anything else exists i don't know if that is good or bad or both love is a ruthless game unless you play it good and right worth the fight so i'll go with it

he wrote a novel on my skin his touch so full of intention a story unfolds unfolding holding hands in the dark lighting sparks lightning in this bed striking sizzling electrical storm lighting our way fluid the flow consumed renewed and if i wrote a note it's be a symphony so sweet and my skin can still feel the touch the energy left behind the words telling our story only seen by me

you left your hat for me like a safety blanket it smells like you i feel you in it your energy amazing i realize that me and my heart shouldn't feel so far apart and it brings me down to earth that hat i held in my hand as i slept and i told it some secrets i've never shared a hat and a night and a boy full of magic full of stars

it's the simple things right now it's that smile that diamond in his ear it's the blue of his eyes it's the way he laughs it's the way he looks back at me each moment pregnant with happiness it's simple easy and it feels good like a flow like floating like i'm a balloon rising higher and higher and not of my own accord it feels like something i could just feel just go with be happy be present trust hope simple things this week that sums it up for me

i have an angel and he needs no wings to make me fly and we see those stars together whenever we're together gives me kisses just for coming home and gives me presents with his presence i'm just a fortunate fool and it feels so cool

in my bed stars diamonds shine hairy chests heavy breath open mouth kisses my skin feeling your touch we become one for moments lost in your eyes so blue dilated pupils from the feelings in this bed clasped hands sweet struggles sweat we are so close that the only thing between us is hairs my mind blown smiles

i have always felt like the stars were my home so i carved a constellation of my own into my skin my arms my neck a reminder of the heavenly place i longed to dwell but then i met you and you have stars on your arms and i feel like home there seeing stars sharing stars skin touch ink reminders of what we long for the light in your eyes lets me know i'm not alone stars distant near

I want the faith of Moses i wish for his strength i may not have 600,000 Israelites behind me waiting for salvation but i have a Red Sea of my own to part God called on Moses He calls on each of us but sometimes we fail to hear Him because our chaos is louder than His whisper we all have a mountain to climb seas to part we all need to be saved we need a clearer path we all have an Egypt we need to get away from so when i close my eyes and i feel out of control i pray to be more like Moses i want to lead not follow i want to have faith that the obstacles in front of me are not brick walls, but clouds and i will push through

connections connective tissue issues arouse solve them connect reamin intact skin tears bones break souls remain the outside gives into time the soul lives on focus on the inside let the outside be a reflection on what's happening inside your beauty will never fade connect with me touch me feel me leave your clothes on the floor and press your body against mine feel my heartbeat beneath my skin feel as i give in stare into my eyes and see the mysteries that lie within remain by my side and i'll reveal them slowly one by one until the only thing between us is connection

I am not a boy I'm a storm with skin what lies within? hail and wind fire lightning the fury of a tempest

surrendering to how i feel it's real i feel so small in a world so big my whispers sometimes louder than my screams and when it's thundering rain it fades away the pieces of myself falling away until all that's left is my core the shell eroded the baggage i carried became too heavy for me to continue with so i left it where it belonged buried in my past and when i close my eyes i feel that i'll be alright to His words i hold on tight i struggled and i fought until i didn't and it got easier my insecurities are lessening lessons lay before me no longer living my life by what you expect respect for myself for my faith belief in the journey and i dance more freely through it all now opinions fall before they damage me took a long time to reach this point no more wasteful living i'm giving it all up elimination clearing my mind cleansing my body renewing my spirit

alone in a crowd a stranger i don't belong i gaze up at the stars and they feel like home wrap myself in them to remind me that where i am is just temporary travel through this life like a shooting star not sure where i belong so i just keep moving on and on and on and on the points of light in the sky guide me a black night blankets the earth around me but the stars provide hope they twinkle through the vast black sky and as i move through the crowds i feel like i'm moving through thick liquid time drags until i am outside again fixed on the night stars shining down brightly maybe my home is with them astral bodies i've written my own constellation on my body my astral body covered with stars until i can be with them

yeah i can wait for you i adore you and i believe in faith it lights my way you don't know how you saved me what you gave me i feel the light i have flown away i have come alive i am blown away wrapped in the truth i can live my life when i found you i lost the game and it all fell away and to this day when you rest your head on my shoulder i feel the love when i look into your brown eyes i drown it's deeper than anything i've ever felt tingles my spine that you're finally mine all my life i've waited for you now i adore you my prayers answered i eliminated enough exterior that my interior shone brightly enough to attract you you guide me you hide me from a world that is often cruel i see it all with different eyes than i did before when you are next to me a calm settles in and soothes my restless soul and it's enough for me finally enough was never enough before but i feel at home in my skin i have found myself living my li

in the beginning it was about resistance i'd only give so much but you blasted through my walls your love shone light into the darkest corner of my psyche you pushed me to believe you coerced me into sharing my talents you embraced my wildness you dealt with my insanity you tamed the beast and had me eating out of your hand in time global transformation begins with changing yourself it's really not so hard once you're ready you just let go of who you were and you embrace who you should be

you were so mad at me for what you'd done you blamed me it was your vicious cycle i was just anyone in the picture you'd repeated the process many times over i'd diminished who i was i had swallowed my light in order to be with you and you didn't appreciate what you had you ate grass from the pasture next door thinking it would bring you pleasure you didn't treasure what we had and i blamed you as much as you blamed me but in the end i didn't love you you were a stepping stone for me i needed change you provided it i took advantage felt that i owed more than i did so i gave up my soul for us to feel whole and it still didn't work drug my dick through the dirt we tried to destroy each other to no avail cancer took you away in the end and i hope that you dwell in the house of the Lord now and that when i say i forgive you you hear it when you know better you do better i'm trying i may have never really loved you because i

kill them with kindness turn the other cheek without being meek forgive give live my ego battles with my light every day sometimes i go astray revenge isn't mine to have it's the Lord's i'm learning to roll with punches dust myself off and stand tall again bring it bring what you've got i'll face it erase it it won't destroy me employ me to forgive you to accept that what you've done was a favor in the end can we still be friends? sometimes yes other times no some people just have to go but this person i am is growing and learning and yearning to be a bigger badder ass version of who i used to be i'll always be a rock star pulling on my cock star giving the middle finger to the system ego driven but risen from where i was i let go what you did to me i brought onto myself no longer hate you but won't date you ever again i've evolved past it no longer slave to your shit

i feel my fierceness returning i feel it in my muscles in my bones in the fiber of my being "don't fuck with King" that's my motto for the next few months i'm transforming again changing because i was changed this toxin is almost out of my body and i'll respect my body more this time around listen to it cater to it own it I was created to perfectly be James and i'll honor that mind body spirit RENEWED

your energy for me is like pink light it soothes me it erases harshness you bring out a side of me that perhaps i've been afraid to show until now we create we collaborate i lean on you you lean on me our friendship i treasure i see beneath the exterior and find the interior even more alluring i see a soul with such good intentions and it's amazing to witness your evolution your revolution the time that i spend with you nourishes my soul quiets my ego i am grateful that God chose to introduce us i can't wait to see what the future holds thank you for not just listening to me but for hearing me your energy inspires me to new heights

Colorado the Western sky it calls me into it to float above the earth and see more clearly he comes to me in my dreams and tells me what i need to know guides me to the Light i'm supposed to know inspired by the awe that i feel gotta make my way through the night hanging on with all of my might when i'm lost and can't find my way i feel the pieces falling away the sky around me explodes into pinks and oranges the stars illuminate my way and it feels like i just got home it twists my body into movements i didn't know i had ignites my bones fills me with life as i dance across this sky i leave trails of stars behind me i want to fall into His arms tonight the feeling that it'll be alright i surrender it's a long way home and for the first time i don't feel so alone

Your kindness shows in your smile your knowledge spills out of your eyes a beauty true pure your soul and mine connect we are on the same level our lives parallel we walk tall we are strong we have walked through the fire together like soldiers marching on when i feel scared, you calm me when i am excited, you boost the emotion when i laugh, you laugh with me when i cry, you wipe my face we belong you are one of my soulmates

the stars above feel like home as they sparkle in this crisp Colorado night tiny pins of light in a blanket of cobalt and black sky promises that darkness never wins like diamonds reflecting the light they contain precious and i look up in awe and i blow my wishes into the wind hanging on stars counting them watching their twinkle my soul is full of stars my arms my neck stars etched into my skin promises reminded that the darkness that once threatened me didn't win

Like an Indian I want to paint myself in red clay and strip away the clothes that hide the beauty of what God created i want to dance until my body aches i want to adorn my head with feathers so my soul can fly i want to extend my arms wrap them around the mountains i want to stomp stomp out all the negative forces that pull at us i want to hear God's voice whisper to me in the winds as the whip around the mountain i want to touch the rocks and feel their power i want to drink of the natural springs and heal my body i want to be one with the earth i want an Indian name He Who Seeks it speaks to me i want to feel the sun on my face as a i gaze up at the majesty of the mountain i want to bathe in the creeks i want to be wild and free and i want to show my gratitude for this life for the earth around me i want to breathe in the mountain air and let it take away my pain as i exhale i want to feel my spirit connect with yours i want to see like an Eagle with

Pike's Peak looms snowcapped silent mighty been here long before me will remain long after me its power sits there in its greatness vast its power so great that my attempt to climb higher that he wants results in vertigo and a nosebleed even the sun ducks behind him he shadows the land before him stealing the warmth of the sun leaving cold fierce winds that chill to the bone reminding you who is in charge it's humbling beautiful raw ancient the mountain and i we have a bond both unconquerable both born of God's will and God's presence is tangible in the rocks here Like He pushed the earth with his fingers and these ridges resulted put here to remind us that He is ever present and the energy of the Indians remains their knowledge their appreciation of the mountain their respect for the earth their gratitude there is power in the granite and the quartz the Indians knew this and as i look up i can feel the history weighing on me and i

we are all like boulders clinging to side of a mountain exposed to the elements hoping to not be rolled down out of control into a resting place below praying that the ground doesn't give way beneath us sending us tumbling crumbling we are all part of the mountain little pieces of its evolution proof that it had a past life elemental mineral makeup time has formed each of us unique there is a peace in knowing that even if we slide off the mountain and come to rest in the valley that we are still connected to it that we can stand on our own if there is God in these mountains then we are all part of Him the sum of us making the whole awe inspiring mountain peaks up high valleys below tremendous glory

Your hate lit a match beneath me the winds fed the fury the winds of change exchange love from hate the wild fire of my soul blazed everything in its path charred scarred and you prayed for a thunderstorm to extinguish my wrath but my destiny was to consume you and underneath the ruins you're alive so you'll survive that match you threw grew into an energy no one could contain caused a pain but wounds heal they don't steal all the light from the future they just remind you of what once was and they open a pathway for regrowth

our ice cream conversations everyone wants the scoop you work those heels more than just an option you're the real deal your sex spills out into the world around you fireworks lighting up the night sky you own it we make love like someone's taking pictures it's picture perfect this love this love i feel for you ignites me guess whose it is it's yours it's no secret everyone sees us swimming in each other don't wanna fuck i want to make love i want to stand tall for you i want to be yours only own it

i don't know what's hotter the penetration or your submission you give in we sin give in the act feels so good how could it be wrong? i smell like Tuscan Leather bound a sweet hurt there's a kink to our sex that lets me let go i don't think like i used to in the dark it doesn't count the weight of me on top of you our naked flesh speaks a language no words needed it's understood roles reverse and i give in sin what's the cost? who cares i just can't get enough because this lust is covered in love it's above our heads this bed alive with something magical up all night

it was almost a homicide how traumatized i felt crushed under your hate i almost died cried went to my room and turned on songs that gave me strength light fight i couldn't give in let you win yeah, fuck that i'll pull myself out of the slump won't be your dump i tried to show you a sweetness i rarely let out show you what i am really about but you threw it in my face put me back in a dark place not filled with light i just might break my way out break your face to leave this place of hurt and betrayal hell i put my feelings out there still care for you even though you burned me like a fire i didn't want to touch not so much i don't want to hold on the scars remind me to put you behind me you hurt me gutted me left me a hollow shell crawling through hell of my own doing i'm renewing my soul gonna return to whole leave you behind me clearly i see you without me is how it should be

i refuse to fall down which why you can't stand me and you can suck my dick til your neck aches if you think i'll break down in front of you ever never and you beg me to finger you well you get the middle one middle aged crazed caged i still fight to find my place fuck the lines on my face disgrace still a rebellious soul whole completed by my own words never cared what you thought of me i let you in my bed for a little head and now i want you gone like a soldier i soldier on marching to my own beat i'll beat my own meat just so i don't have to deal with you your shit is so deep you drown in your own stench you make me fucking sick not just a dick you made me feel alive i strived to show you the real me something to see but you didn't care you stare at the outside only focused on my flaws so my claws are out and you're about to meet your match as i snatch control out of your hands and live my life the fucking way i se

that day in new orleans/ when i was feeling sinful/ but on fire in a good way/ when my skin still burned from the friction of our raw fucking on the floor/ it clouded my head/ i thought it was fuckery i had to accept/ at the time i accepted it/ but then i realized that it was lust/ there was no love there/ even though our eyes connected as we fluidly ravaged each others bodies/ i was drunk/ on cocktails/ on cock/ on tales/ tales i'd soon feel strong enough to speak of/ i feel that i should tell people not to fuck other people's lovers/ it never ends well/ you were someone else's property/ i might have held your cock in my hands/ but your heart was still asleep in bed with him/ and that's a fuckery i can't accept/ won't accept/ i can't be the other man/ i'm so much more than that/ and like new orleans/ i will continue/ filthy/ fucked up/ but a bit of eternity hangs over me/ and a simple storm like you will never count me out...but god damn the sex was hot

my mouth finds yours in dark sparks as i suck the air out of the base of your lungs and our tongues dance there's magic in your kiss passion in my touch we are intertwined divine and you encourage me to leave the past behind what lies in front of me is sweeter than anything i've ever known your smile burns a hole right through my heart when your hands touch me i feel the energy electric and your words fall like prayers on my skin our love is fertile it's giving birth to evolution us we are evolving resolving the grief we've held onto for so long falls like dead leaves leaving room for regrowth a new energy

this counterfeit disposition can't be good for your health wasn't for mine you sit across the room from me and i see your smile i see the Light in you that initially attracted me to you i see the real you beneath all the guise you inspire me sometimes if you bore me i'm comfortable and if you interest me i'm scared my attraction paralyzes me but i want to be the real thing and so do you i see it in you and in this drag that life can be at times my makeup's all off who am i? i am a boy sitting across from you relating to your struggle because we are alike and the room smells like Peppermint oil we are both trying to quiet the storm that brews within us but maybe the storm is a gift and we should stop running from it and run toward it embrace our light life threw us at each other for a reason and it's unfolding it's beautiful in your evolution i see my own

as the cork pops i realize that i'm drowning myself in an ocean of champagne because i couldn't swim in my love for you it was too much for me to handle so i fucked it up because it was the only way i knew but my heart breaks without you and i know that you know it words i can not speak i am able to write and if i could right those wrongs i would but i wouldn't be who i am if i let you change everything about me that doesn't satisfy you so i sip my poison let it enter my bloodstream and give me a buzz to kill the buzzkill of our ending i miss you i do but i'm drunk on this life and i'm addicted to the pain but your kind of pain kills this kind of pain fades headache vs. heartache cheers! i'll drink you away in time time takes everything away at some point

so i want  to wander and i need to wonder and if your love is real it'll be there when i seek it i need to be free to explore this life and maybe it's not my lot in life to be attached to someone else's star maybe it's my destiny to burn my own path through this life take the road alone unknown sometimes i feel like Dorothy Gale making my way down the yellow brick road encountering people who are broken incomplete who are searching for something just like myself whether it be love or strength or courage the road can be long twisted but i'll keep blazing my way my very own yellow brick road leading to self love but don't think i won't miss you along the way i will i do but i need to conquer this demon on my own and if we never get the chance to reunite in this lifetime perhaps i'll love you in the next

i am made of earth i am covered with stars scars scarred my history is etched onto my flesh with ink pay attention there is a flow to it all not having the love of a father created an insatiable need in me to be noticed so i shone brightly darkly in equal proportions i walked a wounded path healed myself when i close my eyes i no longer feel that void i feel faith faith in myself faith in the process so every once in a while i dig my fingers into the earth  to feel grounded and when i feel that i need more light in my life i have more stars drawn on my flesh i run with the stars look up in the night sky and i know i belong to it i belong to the earth i will earn my place among the stars

your words were like a shovel digging my way to hell verbally abused used misunderstood no good i'm fed up and pissed off better than pissed on you tore me down ripped up my heart splattered the street with my feelings you had no respect for how i felt but you couldn't keep me down i have wings stronger than your words your words your hell my fury i made a list took names yours was at the top and i fought my way out of your hell freed myself of the trap of your love no more shackles free to rise like a phoenix from the ashes of what we were of what i wished we would be fuck that i'm leaving who needs a jetplane when you can fly? mentally i'm already gone physically i'm working on it the withdrawals from our toxic love like a drug seizing me not pleasing me so hand me that shovel and prepare yourself i'm sending you to hell bitch burying your ass for good killing our love for killing me

I was chasing my youth you were chasing a high you missed i got botox you got raped they both stunned both changed us my symptoms were on the outside yours were on your inside i had tremors you have nightmares we both got led into temptation and we both paid the price for not accepting that we are perfect as we were we are we will be again perfect because Botox and Rape can't keep people like us down

I can taste the memory of your old lovers in your mouth when i kiss you i don't mind they were a long hallway leading to me a single suitcase on the conveyor belt was it a long journey? ploughing through their bodies kissing them for practice undressing their bodies in the dark honing your skills Did it take you long to find me? You're here now Welcome home Leave your history behind you and give me your hand i will teach you how to touch me

The nightly routine of hitting the bars somehow didn’t seem to feel right that night. I still don’t know how the two of us ended up driving around together that night, but we did. James was driving. We went all over Acadiana that night with no real direction or destination in mind. We passed some things more than once. We just drove and talked and listened to music and sang. I couldn’t even tell you the name of the street or where it even was, but something caught our eyes in that dark field. James stopped the car on the side of the road and we sat in the car for a little while, staring at the blue light hovering in the middle of the field. We whispered to each other, wondering what it was, why it was there, what it was for. We whispered as though someone were listening in even though there was no other person in sight…not that we could see anyway. The field was obviously part of a farm or ranch. It was large and surrounded by a fence. In the distance we could hear the occasional

Lo Lou Louis i ana Louis(i)ana as a person as a state part male part female whole holes a deep history oppression slavery mistreatment abuse struggles fights conflict but beauty fun my friend my home us since i met him the meaning of the word has changed many meanings have changed he's taught me about our state and the state of us he's inspiring he's silly he makes me laugh he's smart he's a part of this state of our lives if you look past the flaws you find the beauty that's what he's shown me so, the series continues.....

i feel a sadness sink in i see your name written in granite and it's my name you are buried in the ground and i stand above it if i could dig my way through the dirt with my fingernails i would if i could hug you i would if i could have known you i would but that part of my life was lost i struggled with that loss i struggled with not knowing i struggled with being half half of what i am what i was what i could be i was raised feeling more Italian but i feel more French it's a struggle seeing your name etched in the granite is haunting because it's my name my name James Leland Ludeau part French part Italian what lies beneath is half of who i am what survives above is still just half of who i am who am i? am i you? am i me? am i a combination of us? i look like her i feel like you you wrote she spoke i'm incomplete yet complete i feel like i am who i should be but my past is shady

i am colorblind i robbed you of your innocence in a bed filled with sin you pushed me in you thought you were ready for what i had it was  like a bittersweet symphony the way i ate your heart as the blood dripped down my chin i felt a sense of pride that i'd raped what you held dear as sweet as it was at first it turned bitter as i watched you wither i felt pity guilt you were the ultimate bet i'd done my ground work to win you over tasted your youth now i feel the villain penicillin won't cure what i've done to you corrupted you drug you down addicted you to the sex i waved before your face such disgrace but the smile on my face faded i felt jaded the game consumed you but it consumed me too i died a little inside "i don't trust myself with you" you said in my bed but it was me who you shouldn't have trusted busted a prey of my own trap i jump from this ledge to end the games the battle and on my way down i think

the hurt i felt the hand i was dealt i'm making peace with it now and how i'll never know you didn't get to watch me grow and sometimes i look up at the sky fight the urge to cry and all i hope is that you're proud of who i am today it's the only way i don't crumble under the weight of my past knowing that not all bad things last it gets better if you make it so it's all i know and the sun shines again and i smile inside i'm wild because the hurt was so bad it was almost homicide it was a rough ride not getting to know you and i couldn't do nothing to make it reverse a curse living without him wishing for what coulda been i'll never understand the hand i was forced to handle and like a candle i shine from the knowledge i have today it lights my way out the dark lights my spark but under the peace still lie my scars but i turned them into stars and they decorate my neck not such a wreck stars up and down my arm

the dim blue light of early morning seeps in through the blinds illuminating your face waking up next to you watching you breathe you have no idea that i'm watching you sleep and your face is in my hands and it's beauty and perfect it inspires me to not be an asshole this connection we share grows and it's strong real deep you stir in your sleep there is peace in your face content and i love that you feel that way around me safe and sound you don't know that i love you but i know that you feel it i just haven't uttered the words yet because i'm in love with this phase we are in next to you in awe of your physicality a perfect man your eyes open and our eyes meet and you smile and it makes my whole world

You parted my thighs Like Moses commanded the Sea And you dove in Knew I'd hook you Harpooned by my lust for you My eyes rolled back in my head Pleasure took me Higher The feel of your wet lips The sound was oral There was a want hanging in the air You wanted love I wanted sex Roles didn't matter Sometimes it takes a dominant man to submit Commit Sins Alive in the dark Lighting my spark You fucked me with a greatness Mighty I craved it Open And I thought about it the next night As I explored the cavity that you'd awakened Raw Exposed Devoured And the picture in my mind is hotter than the picture on my phone We fucked religiously You exorcized the demons of my lust Be good or be good at it Fuck being good How can this be a sin? I let you in And we both exploded Intensity lit the room And I tasted the way I tasted in your mouth Your dick was like Morphine Killing the pain of my past Hazed The hangover left me wanting more Needing more

you taught me that strength has more to do with what's on the outside you showed me what's on your inside silent strength determination love you showed me that muscles aren't all that matters that to feel tough you have to love love is all we need you're full of it filled by it you inspire me you take me higher i look to you for example and you never fail me thank you for showing me that there is more to strength than facade i'm cultivating the inside now you are beauty you are kindness you are what i think strength is

i can't even scream anymore my voice lost my spirit found you silence me with your beauty quench the fire of my wildness i'm in awe you move around the room and i'm addicted i love to watch you breathe how your chest rises and falls and i know you're alive and it's beautiful and whatever i had to go through to get here was worth it you make it worth it you make me feel worthy there is a light inside of you and it seeps through your eyes and it shines in your smile your hands heal your words give me breath it's the truest love i've ever felt my sacred heart was carved by the fire it endured and now it rests firmly in your hands

In your daughter's new smile i see your spirit i see that she contains a piece of you the piece of you that i love the most i haven't even met her yet and i know i'll love her i know you love her and i know that you'll be a mother like no other i know she will bring you a new peace i can see in her smile the healing power that love possesses you'll live on in her and that's beautiful i hope she has your silent strength i hope that she has nothing but love kindness knowledge i feel lucky to have my sister and now my niece

i learned that if i stumble i won't crumble and i'll still be humble if i scream "fuck you" for hurting me for tearing my heart up today i can look back with thanks grateful that the hurt was temporary even if at the time it felt that it would never pass you didn't break me you just made me stronger than i was and i've done just fine without you i was so traumatized but it baptized me a new man if you coulda taken my life you woulda but you couldn't i stood up gathered my shattered dreams pulled myself out of the dumps took it on the chin but i'm done being your punching bag stumbled not crumbled the hurt the pain fueled me no longer angry and the tears that fall today are from gratitude before i met you i was a weakling and the mess you hurled on me made me stronger than i was

it's a painful reminder like the tornado warning and it's the morning after and your life is torn in half battered shattered strewn but it's past you and it's a new chapter time to rebuild fortify and it's all a blessing what tore you up will build you back up from the ashes had to swallow the pill you shoved down my throat and i died took my heart stole my life but i seek the light and it seeps in and i'm pushing through this feeling and rebuilding and i'll be fireproof this time my wounds will heal the scars will be what make me beautiful a reminder of the pain you gave me and a symbol of the strength it took to become who i am today

you got be falling back like i'm baptized deeply into your love resurrected no longer in the dark my soul is filled with Light you guide me you hide me from the destruction that i almost surely bestowed upon myself you make me do better you make me know better higher heights better nights your love is my drug it's like a symphony for my soul each insecurity was like a nail crucifying me to a cross i couldn't get off of but you wrapped me in your arms and saved me from harm resurrected a part of me the real me set me free now i once again dance in the sun that battle's been won your are to me a savior who saved me from myself my behavior had me chained like a slave to my ego no longer imprisoned by my own negative thoughts i feel freer to share and my light shines my life's divine that cross is torn down and the fire it created warmed my frigid heart never going back there again in love with the love i feel from you and aware of

setting fire to yesterday new mindset it is what it is it will be what it will be it was what it was standing in the flames it's a beautiful kind of pain filled with Light born for flight like an enormous thunderstorm is past me every day a new learning curve and that hate i felt i converted into gasoline to burn the past and i stand in the inferno a phoenix from the flames burning it down burning through it burning past it what was once bleak is now charred and underneath the ruin lies the rebuild RESURRECTION throw the match and watch the past melt away the only way to ensure your future is to let the past rest behind you find the light feel the burn breathing in the smoke dying to come back stronger wiser a strength in me that feels biblical in its magnitude

"are my eyelashes still intact" words i never thought i'd her Louis say i appreciate the silliness in him the innocence that lies therein he makes me laugh he fills my days with light he's my muse a kindred spirit He's 29 it's his night he was initially robbed of the fun but he seized the moment we all should he makes it better Louis Toliver JR he makes life more exciting

you tried to pull the mask over my face to make me wear the ears the snout but i was never very piggy whether made of sticks or brick or straw that house could never hold me i'm more wolf than i am pig yet you tried to make me swine and i resisted and you hated me for it your rage your anger couldn't convince me to be something i knew i never wanted to be and Molly wasn't a girl i wished to know you tried a strong effort but you have no idea what lies beneath my skin i don't oink i roar i snarl i'll rip your skin from your bones i'll show you how how i'll never fall into your trap i'm not a pig i hunt pigs and the desire for pig's blood runs pure in my veins

and Ruth wanted it all/ she wanted everything/ until he bit her lip/ and then she didn't care about anything but the way he made her feel/ like falling down a hole/ his Mexican eyes penetrated her soul and soiled her panties/ the wetness she felt had nothing to do with the humidity/ it was his charm/ it was the way he spoke/ his accent/ his dirty filth/ he drew it out of her/ he was the master and she was his slave/ she wanted money in the beginning/ but she ended up needing his love/ dancing on the back of the bruise he left on her/ whips/ chains/ gags/ bound/ she lived for it/ she liked the pain/ he delivered/ but it wasn't all pain/ you see, he'd hold her/ tight/ warm/ sweetly/ until the dusk turned to dawn/ and he made her feel alive again/ he loved her/ she loved him/ this trip to Juarez had opened her eyes/ and her thighs/ she felt Latin in her soul/ she connected to Tixe's primal feel/ all she wanted was to know him like she knew he knew her....

bleached hair as if it would wipe away all i'd done feeling more like Courtney Love than Marilyn Monroe raw exposed watch out what you wish for bleach out the exterior to hide the interior beautiful garbage have you ever felt so used up as this? sugarless this life it can be so awful but when he's drunk he tastes like candy and he's deep like dirty water so afraid to dive in so unsure this platinum life these blond dreams oh so Hollywood and boys aren't supposed to have black beards and white hair and we aren't supposed to feel glamorous we aren't supposed to be tapped into that your words hit so hard i saw stars so i etched them into my arm and neck stars i want to be one i want to blaze across the night sky and sink below the horizon i want to leave a trail behind me i wanna drive away i want to leave it all behind start again in Malibu i wan to be one of the gorgeous people vapid but beautiful someone else's idea of

the rhythm draws me in the words capture me i'm dancing to the beat and it's magic it surrounds me it baptizes me reborn on this dancefloor and my sweat falls to the floor like holy water and i surrender my sins confessions on a dancefloor the mirrorball attracts me i'm sucked in the laser beams the light the lights the sound the feeling the music and tonight this club is my church and i'm forgiven i'm given a second chance

why does my heart feel so sad? why does my soul feel so bad? i feel so alone i ran to you i thought you were my safety but you abandoned me you held my trial in your head and you reached your own conclusion you never knew who i was you never saw my light you judged me by the merit of your own selfishness your words pierced me like blows to my face threatening and angry your words exploded like thunderclouds promising to rain over my life but i ignored it i closed my eyes and i saw the sun and it blocked out whatever storm you intended you wanted to wash me away with your hatred but the Lord delivered me onto dry land and now i'm bathed in His light and i wish nothing but well for you i forgive you and it makes my heart bigger and my existence more real

like hymns like the gospel your words fell on me redemptive you were my salvation you saved me from the darkness that engulfed me spoke truth shown your light i danced in your love i'm gonna find my baby before the sun goes down i'm gonna run to you like i'm running to church to be saved to be loved to be accepted i close my eyes i clasp my hands i kneel i feel your power surround me lifting me off of my feet i have the opera in me like the caged bird i sing new beginnings life all around me like porcelain fragile and the fragility makes it all the better more real

the mystery of you the power of us the miracle of love from lust a death dust you slipped through my fingers like rosary beads i smelled the wood upon which i was placed felt the pain of the nails as they pierced my skin crucified nailed to my love for you damned tried i tasted of your body i drank of your wine i tried with all of my might to make you mine but like faith your love was meant to be felt and not seen i felt the sword rip into my side my blood shed and still you would not save me you left me engulfed in pain shame this type of modern life is not for me

as she stood in the mirror searching for her flaws/ he approached from behind/ "baby, all you need is someone to love you. to teach you. to show you that what's on the inside is what matters."/ and he knew her insides/ he knew her inside and out/ she finished a bottle of champagne in the bathtub/ candles flickering/ the warm wet sensation of his touch between her thighs/ "say it to me" be begged/ she wasn't sure what he meant/ did he mean "i love you"?/ or did he mean "fuck me"?/ or did it just blur into the same thing/ "keep doing that" she cried out/ as the honey dripped out of her/ he had become her god/ on earth/ Ruth was beguiled/ her blond hair with its dark roots peeking through/ her eyes of turquoise/ lined in coal black/ like a cat/ her leopard print tattoo that began on her shoulder and followed the curve of her back, ending on top of her plump ass/ she was his heroine/ she was his cocaine/ and they were high on love a

they went to bed under the stars/ and woke up beneath the sun/ she was sure that he brought the daylight/ that his light had given her new life/ the salt of his skin was her new cocktail/ she was drunk on her love of him/ of the feeling of being full of him/ filled by him/ he loved watching her eyes roll back in her head/ he liked to make her squirm/ he liked that the pleasure was also her pain/ she suffered from the how incredible it felt/ the weight of his breath on her neck was like a ton of bricks/ it took her breath away/ dusty/ dirty/ lovemaking/ fucking/ fucked/ against the wall/ on the floor/ in the shower/ from behind/ from the side/ from above/ from below/ she rode him like a horse/ he was hung like one/ and this sex had changed her world/ the decision that she made to remain with him was something that would change the course of her life/ she knew it was certain poison/ that nothing this good every turns out well/ but she was willing to let herself go/ the saint/ the sinner/

"have you been bad?" he asked, as he tied her hands behind her head/ "define bad" she answered with a smirk/ he had a way of bringing it out in her/ he turned her into a target and his arrow penetrated her deeply/ bullseye/ she was addicted/ he smelled of patchouli and suede/ like dirty sex/ like something forbidden/ intoxicating/ suffocating even/ his healing hands touched her in a way that she'd never known/ she was certain that his love was her Karma/ that as good as it felt, it also hurt her/ she was in his orbit/ magnetic/ erotic/ his tattoos were like reading the Bible to her/ the words on his skin carved out by a tattoo gun/ the words he spoke carved into her heart/ "have you been bad?"/ he asked her every night/ and if she answered yes, the punishment was torture/ he would tie her hands behind her back and stand naked in front of her/ taunting her/ teasing her/ she wanted to know the pleasure of being his like nothing else she knew/ she'd l

her name was Ruth/ and she was hell-bent on not being diminished by the brevity of life/ she was obsessed with living every minute as though it was her last/ His name was Tixe/ he was like a Mexican version of Jesus for her/ he was sin/ he was her salvation/ he made her confess as she wore her cross around her neck while he was between her legs/ You don't know someone until you know what they want/ she knew he was sex/ he was sexy/ his eyes green like backlit emeralds/ his raven black hair cascaded around his face/ his pouty pink lips planted on hers/ She asked what Tixe meant/ He told her that his mother had named him Tixe because spelled backward his name was Exit/ his mother said his exit through her vagina at birth had nearly killed her/ he was born a lady killer/ Greed/ Filth/ Desire/ she had a feline-like desire to be with him/ to her life was being in bed with him/ the rest was just waiting/ their love was cautionary/ explosive/ like each moment they were dangling from the e

we could belong together pop and art and sex and dance last night in my dreams we were nasty and i felt kinda trashy in a good way i had sex dreams i laid in bed, touched myself, and thought of you and we could belong together you could bring this out in me and i could get used to it this feeling of being out of control out of body just do that thing that you do and i'll give you my skin i'll give you my sins carry me away with you we could belong together let me be the canvas for once and wet me with your paint until the picture of our love sticks

the air is pregnant with lust and i'm trying to paint a picture of you and i but the colors won't come to me too mind blown this feeling overtakes me and i'm full blown gone i just wanna say bitch don't kill my vibe lord forgive me 'cuz i'm probably gonna fall again i'm only human and underneath this skin lies my soul my feelings and i'm aware that we're caught in a sorta fairy tale i feel your energy got my drink got my music bitch don't kill my vibe let me keep it alive let me cosign this love 'cuz the way it smells is fuckable let me break out of this need to not feel and light me up burn me up with your love

you each served a purpose perhaps to teach me a lesson that i didn't think i needed to learn at the time you each loved me in your own way and i loved you back in whatever capacity i knew then some of you revolved around me some of you i fell into your orbit some of you i couldn't imagine living without some of you i couldn't handle living with and my life was sometimes a chess game whose rules changed each day now that i'm not as self absorbed now that i've learned i see lessons i see missed opportunities i see that i didn't always treat you with kindness i was rarely fair i was tough only presented my exterior forgot to show my interior but i'm softer now i'm sorry if i wanted to run while your arms were around me i was just searching searching for myself searching to fill a hole left by my dead father and now i'm more at peace and i wish you all peace everything we went through helped me get to where i am now ready to

you had all you needed with me but you desired status you sucked the money out of me  like it was dick you took my money like it was fluid like you needed it to live like blood and all i ever wanted was to be held by you like you meant it but you robbed me of what you thought was important you stole my money but you left my love to die spent used love spent like all i was worth was the bills in your hand spent on the floor alone cold dying love spent and i no longer desire for it to warm me it harmed me love spent i will walk away i will earn more i'll give it away again but your greedy hands won't touch me again

erotic erotic put your hands all over my body make me your clay sculpt me with your desire take me higher use me up inspire me desire me i placed myself on the coals of your love willing to be burned because i knew it would satisfy me even if it hurt i begged for you to love me because it's what you wanted you needed to feel important you shoved me into a box that i didn't fit in you tried to win me over with sex you thought you were the reward that your naked flesh was enough but i craved your mind i wanted you to know my fantasies you tried to make me break to see how much i could take i stripped myself down to the core like a whore and you paid me with kisses i was always so strong until you entered the room you make me weak too weak to speak you make we want to live for you to show my ass and my feelings at the same time i may be far from virginal but you make me feel new

Justify My Love make sense of this needing this waiting this desire to be with you to be part of you to kneel in service to place you above any others Justify Kiss me in the dark light a spark hide it from the others make me yours alone I'd crawl across the barren earth for your touch for the feel of you on my skin i've searched for this all my life for the inspiration your perspiration naked fears longing kisses you put this in me so now what? so now what? you stripped me of my clothes laid me naked in a bed of your lust and made me a slave to your love a fiend for your words for your hopes your dreams i pray Justify My Love

i see you on the street and you walk on by you make me want to hang my head down and cry you act as though you don't know me but that's just in public in private you ache for my words you say i give you life you say you long for my light that when you touch my skin you feel it like electricity it crawls through your skin and ignites your spine i want to be your sunlight i want to warm you i want to wrap my love around you i want to be that thing that you run to for comfort i want to feel like your home i want you to lay your head on my furry chest and hear my heart beat and know that it beats for you open your heart to me i feel like i hold the key to what awaits us future love strength you ignite my soul you make me want to give more do more live more love more what burns between us is pure a beat that i feel under my skin a desire that burns inside of me

i fell in love with you burning hot like coals beneath my skin lighting up my being i laid on the altar i was altered i cared less about me and more about you for the first time in my life i faced giving up i faced sacrifice i felt like the lamb sacrificial slaughtered and if i fed you it was ok i only wanted you to be nourished i gave of myself but your love was a gunshot to my head left me limp lifeless changed sacrificed but my soul retreated refused to be beaten and this spirit in me grew white heat LIGHT i forgive you for sacrificing me i served a purpose but now it pours out of my skin like light like a candle a lantern i want to shine upon the dark path and show you what transformation feels like that you can come out of any situation no matter how bad no matter how dark illuminated filled with Light so bask in my glory it's my new purpose and if i sacrifice my light it only grows the spark never dies

superhuman strength on the outside human on the inside you lit a fire inside of me that had me extinguished for ages but i never thought you were the one never thought we'd last you were trapped consumed by a desire to destroy yourself sold yourself as an intellectual as a student of the Word but in the dark you dwelled the heat between us quickly diminished turned cold old i knew i couldn't save you from yourself you can't keep lying to yourself you played yourself i loved you but i had to let go had to let you go your way too afraid that i'd be sucked in for good so don't be surprised when you don't mean dick to me fuckery that's what you were a fuckery a fucked up mess spouting words enticing me delighting me until i saw the rot that lay beneath and now i run as fast as i can and i learned a long time ago love is a losing game so i'll cut my losses and carry on with my own show superhuman on the outside hurting lik

you exposed me even beneath my skin you encouraged me to share my soul opened my world up new reborn caught up in you lights lost my rights your words were lies wrapped in delicious shells and i gorged myself because i was looking for salvation i sought to be saved unaware that i could save myself the tattoos on my body telling my story before i met you forgive i'd learn to do that stars i was above it all you left me lost in a maze amazement nearly finished me sucked the air right out of my lungs watched me bleeding out just to keep you going this game is over stay on your side in your own corner because you know i'm stronger than you you know i am filled with Light what you show to everyone else is a rotting facade and i've seen through it i see your sickness your cancer eating you from the inside out addict cloaked in darkness shame and i cut it free let you drift off back on my own path rid of your filth

A prayer for the people that i work with the people that i walk through the fire everyday with the people that have superglued themselves to my heart May God wrap his arms around our unit protect us from further sorrow may we gain wisdom from what it is that we are facing may we remain together may we not question His motives may we continue along in Faith May peace be restored may our lives once again be calm.

I will remember you for your laugh and how you laughed with your eyes i will remember your kindness your joyful spirit and how no matter how tough the day was, you never complained you were just our little worker bee doing what you had to do we will never know why but your existence was too brief like a super nova bright light and for that i will remember you when i am having a bad day at work, i will remember your spirit and i will smile i will smile in your honor.

"You're only as sick as your secrets" he said in the dark "you have no idea" i thought, licking my lips i was on fire felt it everywhere no longer afraid of anything wanting to sit on the edge for a while and then jump into the abyss that i knew was his love duct tape hogtied willingly "hold on baby" he said the camera flashed i was always into photography gagged bound trusting that it wouldn't go too far my skin electrified with lust complete surrender and even the hurt was hot the pain was renewing i hadn't felt anything in a while and when you've experienced a void of feeling feeling wanted is a good thing it wakes you up "i love you" he said and in that moment he was my god and my monster at the very same time he was all that i needed and the only thing i wanted his gin kisses sent me to heaven the smell of his sweat was intoxicating the feel of his tongue on my neck behind my knees in my armpit

arrested kidnapped not sure what happened not sure how not sure when not sure why but it's a battle cry tied up and held for ransom too high a price to pay silenced for the words i say freedom of speech you say? what a joke we live in a world crawling with fear and fear gives birth to hate and hate leads to violence you bruised my face with your fist threw me to the floor bloodied slammed the bars behind me trapped like an animal caged enraged i will fight you with all of my might and i won't break you with my hatred i'll bathe you in Light

turn up the lights in here baby let it glow extra bright for everyone to see illuminate let it seep through the darkness and coat everything bask in it grasp it golden white bright Light feel as it heals as it warms as it thaws out the tundra of your heart close your eyes and feel it feel it rush over you like a wave but instead of drowning you it will save you bathe in it accept it have faith in it nothing can fade it in the night your face lit up and i knew you were aware so think of me every now and then and feel the light as it pours out of my palms the light of my love for you shines

"don't be so serious" you say fuck you you're a fake piece of shit seriously the guise you wear is a lovely robe sewn up of all of your insecurities like threads but it's unravelling and what's underneath isn't so pretty no longer hung up i'm free of you free of what i thought you were your biblical references are a joke you're the opposite of Light you were a thief of mine but it burns white and hot and intense seriously you sold me out for 30 silver coins JUDAS left me in the garden to be seized after your seductive kiss thought that everything good was gone thought that you'd carry on with your show that i wouldn't reveal you for what you are serpent thief false but i saw it before it killed me i wasn't crucified by your hate and the crown i wear isn't of thorns and the traitor you were was a gift to me betrayal suited me well well better than your cheaply sewn garment that you wear to hide who you

you tried to silence me disregarded me shoved me into a box that could not contain me you were afraid you knew i'd grow into something far larger than you could handle i blew out your candle left you in darkness my Light you could no capture out of your grasp away from your jealous grip i began to find my strength find my way once my eyes were opened to who you really were i ran as hard as i could in the opposite direction the lies you sell the tales you tell i want none of you are all facade a hallow center you paralyzed me temporarily your love was toxic i gagged on it vomited it violently to rid my soul of your corruption the emesis of our love showed me what it really was toxic killer disguised hatred you could never accept me for who i really am you couldn't look me square in the eyes for fear that i'd see through you like a window transparent and once the hangover wears off the joy will rise again never to be contained again it will

behind the bars of your love imprisoned trapped oppressed your love locked me in locked me down silenced me blinded me deafened me all of my senses senseless you refused to hear me you were afraid of me this thing you called loved was just obsession possession and i thought that i was a fool for no one but i fell so hard for you bought your lies outright i don't know why i'm so surprised you took everything to extremes loved me hated me and now that it's over now that i'm not associated with your crippling narcissism these bars are bending as if by my will i long to be free to be me i'd rather hear nothing than anymore of your lies so if i'm left with residual deafness at least i won't be blind blind to your hate you with all your gorgeous words you dissolve into nothing but a false prophet someone who can not walk the walk i loved the way you lied but i love you no longer